I don’t think looking at a catalogue or pictures is grounds for divorce. If you ladies don’t mind, I’d like to share something I was taught as a young man. Some may not agree, and I might be wrong on some points (I’m still learning). But this helped me when I was a young man. Here’s what Jesus said,
Matthew 5:27-28
{5:27} Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not commit adultery: {5:28} But I say unto you,
That whosoever looketh on a woman
to lust after her hath
committed adultery with her already
in his heart.
What we see here is that Jesus addresses the intent in the clause, “to lust after”. That means that if a man looks at a woman with the intent of seducing her and using her physically to gratify his desires he has committed adultery with her already in his heart. This is because the very desire to commit the act exists in the heart. Notice Jesus also didn’t say, “That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her
hath committed adultery.” Jesus is focusing on a heart issue here, not the actually stating that the sin was committed. An important note should be made here; this doesn’t mean that every time a man admires, is aroused, or finds himself interested in the physical beauty of a woman he’s committed adultery. Any honest man will admit that there is a big difference between looking at a woman with intent to really pursue and have relations with her and looking at a picture of an attractive woman. A man can look at a picture or painting of a woman and admire her beauty, yet refrain from the desire to actually pursue her. The line is drawn. He isn’t looking “to lust after” her. If a man commits adultery every time he looks a woman, a picture, a painting, or something provocative or intimate that arouses his male interests we’re all doomed adulterers (including our wives, women aren’t exempt). Jesus is addressing the heart of an unfaithful man who looks around for women so that he can lust after them with intent to pursue.
When I was a young man I felt condemned and ready to give up nearly every time I looked at a girl or a woman or stood in a checkout line at the grocery store. I had all the normal struggles that nearly every young boy has and I was convinced I was lost and that God hated me. But an elder shared this with me when I finally broke down and we had a man to man discussion. I was told that it was natural and healthy for men to admire a woman’s beauty; the sin in the heart begins the moment we decide we’re going to actually pursue relations outside the context of marriage. Once we’ve looked at a woman with intent to pursue, we’ve crossed the line and adultery has been born in the heart. He then met up with me at church and we prayed all that condemnation off of me at the altar, I felt like the world was lifted from my shoulders. I thought God would never love me but I learned in the days that followed that I my heavenly Father loved me and that I was perfectly normal in his sight. I was just becoming a man.
The problem with stimulating materials is that they can activate a man’s imagination to the point where fantasy and reality are blurred. When this happens a man is desensitized and more likely to begin looking to actually pursuing other women (lusting). It also gives a false airbrushed impression of female beauty that most real women can’t compete with. This can lead a man to feel less satisfied with his wife and as a result defraud her of her needs.
Wives, if you go through your husband’s stuff and find he’s looked at inappropriate things, don’t overreact. I know it’s hard to understand but men compartmentalize things. To a man sex and love can be totally separate things while for most women they are interconnected. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or even that you’re failing him or been inadequate in some way. Men are strange like this. Women have their strange emotional deals…men have their strange compartmentalization’s. If this happens you both need to talk and be there for one another and pray together. You’re a team. He needs someone he can be weak and vulnerable with and if it will not be you (his wife) he’ll continue to venture into fantasy land where he can feel free, safe, and in control. Or worse, he’ll find another woman he can open up to that makes him feel safe and in control. Forgive one another knowing that you’re both human. Too many good marriages are being destroyed over too many dumb things that can be worked out. To expect perfection is to doom your marriage. Something like this is a life moment that will reveal how safe and open you feel with one another and how dedicated you are to get beyond the “little foxes” that spoil the vineyard. Or it will reveal how unrealistic your expectations are of one another. But I’m persuaded good things about Christian marriages. I think Christian couples have an advantage…we understand grace and forgiveness better than those in the world.
*(All of the above goes for husbands that might find something too. Men aren’t the only one’s who have had trouble in this area. Love your wives men, seek to understand them, and be patient with them. Like you, they’re only human.)
So I said all that to say this…LOL
I don’t think porn or things of that nature are grounds for divorce. It's grounds to take the day off work and talk and try to understand each other better. A little unconditional love, understanding, repentance, and forgiveness will go along way.
Love, learn, and grow. God bless.
P.S.
Men, don't be afraid to open up if your wives. And if you're struggling with this, odds are your wives already know it. Most wives are more upset with the lies and hypocrisy than the issue itself. The secrecy and deception will do more harm than admitting the weakness of your humanity to your wives. They love you. I don’t know why I feel compelled to write this. God bless.
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