Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxfam6
I grew up in church. I have had the HG from a young age. I am a fairly outgoing type person. I can usually talk about any subject with just about anybody. I have heard and been told all my life about trusting God and stepping into the moment. JUST DO IT, as the Nike advertisement says. YEAH right.
My heritage is not a good one. The devil has played that one against me for many years. My father pastored a good size church back in the late 60's and early 70's. He had a couple of affairs and left my mom and the church. My brother took over and his wife had an affair or affairs for several years. It messed with my brothers head and he stopped preaching. I have cousins that the same type of things have happened to.
I swore to God that I did not want to be like my dad or my brother. I do not want to be the one that poeple look at and look to. I don't want to have people looking at me as an example and then if I fall they all get themselves bent all out of shape and stop serving God. I have seen it happen to many times.
For this reason I understand exactly what you are going through, I think. Everytime I get walking close to God and things start happening and I start feeling things, I shut down. I go and do something stupid to ruin it so that I have to start all over again. It seems easier to just not get to that level in your walk than it does to keep starting over all the time.
The thing is, now I have kids to think about and worry about. When I was single I did not have so much to worry about. Now I have my boys and my wife and if I screw up this time I have them to deal with as well as God. God can be much more forgiving than people.
I think that the staying still in the valley and dying in the valley is similar to the man who buried the talent he had been given. If we decided to not try to make the climb then we are wasting the talent that God gave us. We have to at least try to climb. If we fall down, we have to get back up and try again. Like David. When he failed God he would repent and go at it again.
It is also good for us to remember that God does not give us a spirit of fear. Fear of God is the start of wisdom but fear like this is from the devil. This fear keeps us from doing the things that God wants us to do.
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Brother, I know exactly what you are talking about when you mention intentionally messing things up because it's easier to start over than to stay and fight! Wow! It's like you described me to a "t". Good post!
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