One of the Biggest Mistakes

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

The UPC church I grew up in taught that God came first (personal relationship), family came second, and church obligations third. (followed by friends and community.) I pretty much agree with that priority list.

Amen! Mine too. Well, not the first one I attended, but that's a forgotten story. LOL!

[meBNme]

Originally Posted by ILG

UPC is my church experience. I have been going to a non-denominational one for about 3 years now and haven't experienced that to the same extent.

Yeah? well, Ive been going to a UPC church for 32 years and have not experienced that either.

[iceniez]

IMO This post got me thinking about priorities,I think we forget 90% of the Christian experience is lived outside of the "Churh"walls most of the impact is with our families.What is the truth ? How should we live ? Jesus did not teach always in the building .I belive true Christianity is about everyday life.I for one realize I have spent alot of energy trying to live up to the expectations of men.When the focus should be on pleasing God.Thank you for this post.

[Michael Phelps]

Originally Posted by meBNme

Yeah? well, Ive been going to a UPC church for 32 years and have not experienced that either.

No need to be so combative here, MBNM. She's shared her experience, you've shared yours, everyone is happy.

[TRFrance]

Originally Posted by ILG

Some of us are dealing with a couple of decades of pain that we were repeatedly told didn't exist when we were in the church. You will have to please excuse us for that.

Not a problem. So be it.
I'm definitely aware that there are quite a few imbalanced churches in the UPCI, as there are in any organization. But I do know there are many healthy and balanced ones also. That's why it tends to irritates me at times when I see people who may have been in a bad church environment say "this is what's wrong with the denomination"... when it's really an issue related to the culture of their local church, rather that something imposed at the denominational level.

Anyway, all the best to you.

Originally Posted by Kae

The UPC church that I grew up in taught that the church came first, children second and husband third. I was also taught to never say no to the pastor. I am also very careful of what I say due to the criticism that abounds.

Wow. Sorry to hear that.

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

The UPC church I grew up in taught that God came first (personal relationship), family came second, and church obligations third. (followed by friends and community.) I pretty much agree with that priority list.

Sounds about right.
I think that we can arrive at that conclusion from scripture also. Whatever we hear in a church , we should always compare it against scripture. That can save folks from a lot of grief down the line.

Originally Posted by Kae

This is what I believe now, although I am a firm believer that spouse comes before children. In divorce situations that is difficult to do when one is remarried and has children from a previous marriage. In that case I would put the children first.

Not sure that would be a good idea. A marriage is a lifetime covenant relationship under God. Whether remarried or not, I would think the spousal relationship should still take higher priority. But that's just how I see it.

[Neck]

Originally Posted by cneasttx

I grew up in a UPC church, my Mom would not miss church. It was never stressed from the pulpit.

I knew pastor's that would follow up with folks when the missed.

Just to ask about their missed offering or tithe...

People always looked at us weird whenever we missed...

[iceniez]

Originally Posted by Neck

I knew pastor's that would follow up with folks when the missed.

Just to ask about their missed offering or tithe...

People always looked at us weird whenever we missed...

We have people in our assembly who do the same. One lady looks at us condesendingly and says" we missed you" with that" you backslider" tone of voice .

[Blubayou]

I have not read all of this thread, but I did want to comment. I have attended a church where you were expected to be involved in every aspect of church activities and there was something going on just about every night of the week. I did experience a type of "burnout" after several years of teaching Sunday school, singing in choir, volunteering to help out with dinners, working with the youth, teaching Bible Studies, working in the out reach programs, etc. That was many years ago.

What I have experienced in recent years- is that churches have scaled back their expectations on their saints- there are fewer week night services (I can remember revivals that went on for weeks, and we had several a year). When revivals are held, they are just a couple of nights- for one or two weeks. There are opportunities to volunteer, but no pressure.

I must admit that I have a tendency to get over involved and have a problem saying no. I do think that in smaller churches the pressures may be more to get involved than in larger churches. Just some random thoughts.

[Neck]

Originally Posted by ILG

I think one of the biggest mistakes that the UPC makes is the emphasis on church, church, church rather than family. People are expected to come bare minimum of 3 services a week, just so they are not "forsaking the assembling" and then there are the bible studies, door knocking, bake sales, singing, etc. etc. etc. on top of it all. I have heard it said that some pastors emphasize a family night one night a week (mine did not). So, are the other 6 to be used for church?? There is little teaching on marriage, family, balance etc. Alsmot all the teaching, in my experience, is on Acts 2:38, going to church, winning the lost, giving and giving and giving to the church.

I don't think it has ever been God's will for people to spend so much time at church and doing church things. We need to focus on our families, our kids, our marriages, our work etc. This is the work of God. That should not be forgotten.

I know for a fact that many ministers, pastors or music ministers.

Spend their life trying to become successful.

Trying to keep up with a friend or bible school buddie that has a growing church or ministry.

Ever heard the statement, "They give their all for this Church".

Well in doing so they do not realize they are stressing out the saints.

Many of these men and woman burn out and the saints lose thier way as well.

There needs to be a balance and less stress coming from those in position.

I understand they are looking for success and it is their career.

But others have their career and goals to accomplish as well...

When many times as the pastor, the music minister have their sites on a larger church opportunity or the music minister is looking to be courted by a larger church.

The saints have more involvement in the real world and have to live and move it's crazy and demanding economy and timetables...

[aak1972]

It seems as if the pastors that teach attending all church functions are a lot like an insecure person in a relationship. It comes across as if you are not in attendance or participating in every event you are " cheating" on them. And if you do miss you get interogated.