Quote:
Originally Posted by jaamez
Maybe so, but is this something that can be considered so casually? Jesus said that if a man would even LOOK on another woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery. Why would pornography NOT be considered adultery, according to the Lord's standard?
I believe this should be dealt with just like if the man were actually having a sexual relationship with another woman - because in his heart he has. There can be forgiveness and healing and restoration, but the heart needs to be changed first, and there needs to be a commitment to faithfulness that includes making a covenant with his eyes. This is just as much marital infidelity as an actual affair (IMO).
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I think you bring up an excellent question.
I think we are creatures prone to extremes. In our minds things are black and white without any consideration of nuance or perspective. I don't think that looking at pornography automatically equals "lust". Here's why...
A man can look at pornography for many different reasons. Sometimes it's grounded in deep feelings of insecurity and feelings of rejection from his wife or even the opposite sex. Pornography affords him a world where he's in control, he's desired, and he's never rejected. It becomes an escape into a world of safety where he feels like a "real man" (for lack of a better term). Most men who I've known who viewed pornography for this reason would NEVER cheat on their wives. (Interestingly in many of this cases the woman rules the roost.) In fact many have had women come on to them and quickly set the woman straight. No desire to cheat was in the heart. The pornography was something relating more to ego than lust.
Also, a man can use pornography the way some men use alcohol to numb pain. The dopamine released in the brain approaching and after orgasm is like taking a hit off a joint. It's affect on the frontal cortex and other areas of the brain brings a sense of euphoria and release. Once that's accomplished the brain is "buzzed" and the male will be less focused on emotional issues that he's facing. I talked to a minister who fell into pornography. His wife discovered him and demanded that he seek some counseling. They opened up to me about this issue so that I could give them some advice and pray for them. You see, a few weeks prior to this his mother died. He was an only child. The only time he had used pornography was during his early adolescence. (Typical boy stuff, yes, boys like Playboy. Go figure.) This wasn't like him. He's a good man and a faithful husband and minister. He was shattered, his wife was shattered, and he was terrified he was going to Hell. The Lord impressed upon me that he had unfinished business with his mother. He was regressing into his childhood because it gave him a sense of her nearness. The Lord impressed upon me to have him visit her grave and "talk" to her. He was to open up everything he needed to tell her that he never got to say. He opened up that he wanted to apologize for being too busy with church business to visit her regularly as her health declined. He wept like a baby that day as we talked. Interestingly, after he got some of these things off his chest he didn't feel the need for pornography. It numbed the pain. Not only was it a psychological throwback to his childhood when his mother was around, but during those times of ogling pornography he's mind was disengaged from his problems and focused on something beautiful. For him...it was the same as alcohol. It wasn't lust. He loves his wife.
Then you have normal human interest. Men are sexually interested in women. Hey, let's not bash it...too many of our kids are becoming gay already. A young man can find that he's attracted to a girl or a picture of a girl, think about being with her and how wonderful it would be and it not be "lust". It's just interest. In reality he'd be petrified if the girl asked him on a date. In the Song of Solomon we have a young lady lying in bed fantasizing about the man she wants to marry. The reality here is that they are not married. And Scripture doesn't view it as a sin...it's normal. It's not lust...it's attraction. Point is, fantasy isn't always lust.
Also you have situations where a spouse is grotesquely overweight, sick, or regularly denies her husband sexual gratification. He will find a way to meet his needs. He might turn to drinking, he might become focused on his work (even ministry in some cases), he might become obsessed with a hobby (his car for example), or yes...he might even turn to pornography.
So, what is "lust"?
Lust, in my opinion, is when a man looks upon a woman and actually desires to pursue her and make her an object of his pleasure. Looking at a picture of a woman and admiring her beauty isn't the same as spotting a woman at a bar or restaurant, deciding to pursue her, drumming up conversation, getting her number, and calling her for a hook up later.
I believe that Jesus was talking about "lust". For example, when a man is out of town on business and goes to a restaurant and sees a pretty woman he might "think" about her. He might even have a fantasy. None of that is lust. The moment he decides that he's going to get up from his seat, walk over to her and introduce himself to see if she's doing anything later..."lust" was conceived. Now his heart is in pursuit of his prey.
If we treated every occasion where a man had a fantasy, looked at a woman or picture with a sexual thought, or even glanced at a pornographic image... like it was adultery...we'd all be divorced.
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