Once long ago, when I was filling in for a preacher in a VERY small church, my entire sermon consisted of "Welcome to _____ UPC. I would like to talk to you today about choosing who you will serve"
*insert famous Joshua scripture here*
Me - "Let's all pray"
LOL
They weren't even done counting the offering - everyone just sat there looking at me.
Good times.
Not standing and cheering?
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
I remember a local pastor here trying to exhort the congregation to stronger worship.
He said the Bible says, "Leap for joy, so if you want joy, you gotta leap for it."
He then had us all leap up and down.
Some got happy but most just quit jumping and looked around a little ashamed.
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must jump for it.
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must jump for it.
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must jump for it.
The jo-oy of the Lo-ord is my strennngth!
Just one of the many requirements for having joy. You must also clap for it, shout for it, sing for it, ... Oh dear. There must have been more, but I can't remember them. Guess I'll have to make some up!
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must slap for it. ... (turn to your neighbor! )
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must swim for it. ...
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must bike for it. ...
If you-ou wa-ant jo-oy you must run for it. ...
(The last three are dedicated to Ironman MOW. )
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
I heard a preacher once in Tennssee preaching on "Holiness in the Home". His entire sermon was a virtual laundry list of things we should not allow in our homes that would drive "holiness" away. Of course, as any good Apostolc knows, TV was at the top of the list. (Had computers been around then, I'm sure the internet would have been included).
He also included radio, recorded gospel music (except those of believers of "The Message" -he was a big William Branham follower.) Recorded sermons by any one other than WB were listed. Books were forbidden (except WBs). Little "what-nots", you know, those little dust collecting "idols' scattered around the house, were listed. As was photographs of dead folks (WB was excepted). I endured all I could, but what really drove me over the edge was when he spoke about ther greatest evil Holiness folks let into their homes that they never think about. According to him, allowing this into your home was the same as allowing pornography into your home. He said it destroys more homes than TV ever did. He said it teaches women how to be Jezebels, encourages kids to become rebellious, and drives men to have affairs with many women (his words, not mine). He said it makes nudity acceptable, and leads to lust, Lust and more LUST. And, of course LUST, brings forth death. So allowing this great evil into your home is inviting DEATH to enter.
This great evil?
The Sears and Roebuck catalog. I kid you not.
Well, yeah, I thought everyone knew that!
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
I am not thinking of a specific sermon so much as a type. A type where someone of some reputation gets up and proceeds to shout the most random series of catch phrases and "amen" producing versus ("I was GLAD when they said onto ME, let us GO into the house of the Lord!") and after an hour or so of shouting and "Ha ha haaaaa!"ing, he has said absolutely nothing.
So. Turns out, Apostolic isn't all that different from AG.
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
So. Turns out, Apostolic isn't all that different from AG.
Just a couple of nights ago, I was listening to the "Worship Service" part of a church service from a Gay Pentecostal Church. (yes, there's actually a gay pentecostal organization out there) And, it was the same repetition of worn-out cliches, over and over and over and over and over. It was hilarious.
So....as it turns out, the UPC, The Apostolics, the AG, and the Gay Pentecostals are exactly alike!
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