Backslider

[apostolee]

Originally Posted by acerrak

ive done the same thing, felt the same way. I wanted to go back to God but felt powerless todo it. The same things in the world that had me in bondage before grasped me again.

even the preacher was praying for me and i told him im not your brother im your burden.

However while i was camping out with the pigs in the stall, God kept laying on my heart the parable of the lost son/prodigal son.

I however felt i cant go back to church ill get condemed, People wont look at me the same anymore. the relationshops we had would be gone. (btw that is just a lie from the pits of hell)

many times over this story would enter my head. and this went on for weeks.
It was so fitting on how detailed God can be, that when i went back to church, I bet you can guess what the preacher preached on that day. Yes sir the same thing he had placed on my mind.

Though you may not experience what i experience that doesnt mean he loves you less.. So stop degrading yourself, God thought you worthy to send his only begotten Son to die for you, while you was still a sinner.

and Just like the Father waited for his son to return home in the parable, he waits for you. He waites to but a robe around you, new shoes on your feet and a ring on your finger. The heavenly Host await for the sounds of repentance from your lips to have a revival.

You sir are redeemable

edit
i wanted to add since i went back to church, no condemnation, relationships have prospered and grown. He made us feel so loved that i consider these my family

Wow,
That's exactly how I feel. I feel like the bros n siss in church will look at me different. Condemn me. Not look at me the same anymore. Doubt me. When I was in church, I was ZEALOUS for God. Than I fell, guilt and shame bore down on me and I couldn't face my family in church. I want to go back but I get thoughts of my church family thinking wierd thoughts about me. Like, if I'm zealous again, they'll be like, "oh how long is this one going to last this time?" I don't know why I think these thoughts when I know they're God fearing people and know better than to judge. Maybe it's because it's what I do? If I go back, I want to give it my ALL (110%x7) like I did before; but I fear I'll fall and won't ever go back. I've been out of church for 1 1/2 year

P.S: THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR INPUT, IT FEELS GOOD KNOWING I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

[stony ground]

It is refreshing and yet saddening to know that others feel the way I've felt. My user name reflects my honest spiritual self appraisal, I have let the things of the world come between me & what God has planned for me. I have been through some very tough times since while out of church, and I can't say that it wouldn't have happened if I'd been in church, but I know that God sustained me through the trials I've experienced.

I went back to my old church for about a year, and even though I still felt God, I also felt like the church had moved on without me and they didn't have time for me to catch up. Prayerfully I went to a much smaller apostolic church and found a new home. I wouldn't worry too much about other's judgement, what they think of you will not matter in eternity. The important thing is, you are hungry and need to be fed. Prayerfully, seek the place where they feed you. Please understand I'm not advocating "church-hopping" but God may have a new place for you. The important thing is your walk with God, the church should be a vehicle to strengthen that.

You have taken the first step, apostlee, you have taken ownership of the problem and aren't blaming others. I would suggest that you continue to seek God and you will find Him as loving and full of grace as you remember. I will pray for you, my brother, and you can PM me if you'd like to talk.

[acerrak]

Originally Posted by apostolee

Wow,
That's exactly how I feel. I feel like the bros n siss in church will look at me different. Condemn me. Not look at me the same anymore. Doubt me. When I was in church, I was ZEALOUS for God. Than I fell, guilt and shame bore down on me and I couldn't face my family in church. I want to go back but I get thoughts of my church family thinking wierd thoughts about me. Like, if I'm zealous again, they'll be like, "oh how long is this one going to last this time?" I don't know why I think these thoughts when I know they're God fearing people and know better than to judge. Maybe it's because it's what I do? If I go back, I want to give it my ALL (110%x7) like I did before; but I fear I'll fall and won't ever go back. I've been out of church for 1 1/2 year

P.S: THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR INPUT, IT FEELS GOOD KNOWING I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

brother Go Home!! you will find encouragement, love and happiness, you will break down in tears, cause of the campassion you will recieve.

we beat ourselves up, and as long as the devil has you down, he will keep kicking you to make you stay down. But you are a overcommer.

i can imagine how much the people will be happy for you, all those secreate prayers that have been prayed for you to return home come answered. Amen

[onefaith2]

Originally Posted by apostolee

Wow,
That's exactly how I feel. I feel like the bros n siss in church will look at me different. Condemn me. Not look at me the same anymore. Doubt me. When I was in church, I was ZEALOUS for God. Than I fell, guilt and shame bore down on me and I couldn't face my family in church. I want to go back but I get thoughts of my church family thinking wierd thoughts about me. Like, if I'm zealous again, they'll be like, "oh how long is this one going to last this time?" I don't know why I think these thoughts when I know they're God fearing people and know better than to judge. Maybe it's because it's what I do? If I go back, I want to give it my ALL (110%x7) like I did before; but I fear I'll fall and won't ever go back. I've been out of church for 1 1/2 year

P.S: THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR INPUT, IT FEELS GOOD KNOWING I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

If you can get you a brother or sister in the church or a group to be a Paul and Silas in your life. Remember in Acts 16, they were bound and they began to praise God and prayed and the prison bars were opened; not only theirs but everyone that heard them in the prison. If you can get a group together to pray with you, I believe you can have all your bounds and prison bars opened up in Jesus name just Like Paul and Silas and all the prisoners did in Acts 16. God is faithful and He wants you back and make you better than you were before. Its His righteousness we need, ours just falls short.

[Amanah]

I will be praying for you,

if you just make baby steps back towards God, he will help you and strengthen you for the journey homeward

Job 14:
7 For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.

8 Though the root thereof wax old in the earth, and the stock thereof die in the ground;

9 Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant.

[apostolee]

Thanks again! God bless!

[apostolee]

Praise God!
Well, everyone. Thanks for your prayers! I recently attended church yesterday. I was really nervous. I didn't know what to expect from the congregation but I went anyway. I just wanted to feel the presence of the Lord and worship Him. I didn't get any condemnation from anybody. Just things like, "hey we miss you!" "welcome back" "good to see you" "how you doing?" The pastors wife even said a joke to me, like "we should get you a visitors card." (like I never been there before, get it? . I was even more pleased to hear a story of how an individual received the Holy Ghost in recent months after attending church for like 2 years diligently but he never gave up! My Pastor seemed really pleased and happy to see me, he gave me a big smile and I just had to hug him. I really missed him. He asked me, "You ready to jump in again?" In short, YES. The pastor said preached some things, I (and a few others in the church it turned out) really needed to hear, that pricked our hearts but gave us focus again. God is Great! I feel foolish for thinking I was forsaken and unforgiven. But thats that for now!
Praise God!

[TGBTG]

Originally Posted by apostolee

Praise God!
Well, everyone. Thanks for your prayers! I recently attended church yesterday. I was really nervous. I didn't know what to expect from the congregation but I went anyway. I just wanted to feel the presence of the Lord and worship Him. I didn't get any condemnation from anybody. Just things like, "hey we miss you!" "welcome back" "good to see you" "how you doing?" The pastors wife even said a joke to me, like "we should get you a visitors card." (like I never been there before, get it? . I was even more pleased to hear a story of how an individual received the Holy Ghost in recent months after attending church for like 2 years diligently but he never gave up! My Pastor seemed really pleased and happy to see me, he gave me a big smile and I just had to hug him. I really missed him. He asked me, "You ready to jump in again?" In short, YES. The pastor said preached some things, I (and a few others in the church it turned out) really needed to hear, that pricked our hearts but gave us focus again. God is Great! I feel foolish for thinking I was forsaken and unforgiven. But thats that for now!
Praise God!

praise God for you brother!!!

[Amanah]

thank you for the update, am happy to hear you found your way home

[tercast]

Don't claim you are backslidden. Come out of the sin , overcome the flesh, start back to church, pray, & the Bible says God is just to forgive you . I backslid 16 years ago for 1 year. I repented, got back in church. The acts I did were so abominable I lost the Holy Ghost. But after I got back in church I never claimed being backlidden again or being in bondage to satan. Although I still need the baptism of the Holy Ghost all over again, I never claim I am backslidden. Yes there are condemners out there & they are of satan. Jesus came to save not to condemn. That is Bible. Once you have come out of sin, He has to forgive you , but you have to work your way back to Him. With Acts 2:38 God does the miracle for us but once we leave Him & come back, we have to work harder. It's not as easy the second time around.