Gay Children

[AreYouReady?]

I'll have to take my laptop somewhere to view this.

I realize the media has no shame when it comes to descriptions of religious sermons.

[deacon blues]

The best thing a father can do to with an effeminate son is SPEND TIME with him. Teach him what a man does. Affirm him as his son. Love on him, hug him, be affectionate with his son so that one day he won't long to be in the arms of a man because his daddy showed him love when he yearned for it. Hunt, fish, play ball, wrestle, play video games, work, cut grass, garden, trim bushes and trees, go to ballgames together, talk about women, heterosexuality, puberty, nocturnal emissions, the dangers of porn, Biblical morality, etc. Masculinity is taught and caught---BE A DAD and your son won't struggle with effeminacy or homosexuality.

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

The best thing a father can do to with an effeminate son is SPEND TIME with him. Teach him what a man does. Affirm him as his son. Love on him, hug him, be affectionate with his son so that one day he won't long to be in the arms of a man because his daddy showed him love when he yearned for it. Hunt, fish, play ball, wrestle, play video games, work, cut grass, garden, trim bushes and trees, go to ballgames together, talk about women, heterosexuality, puberty, nocturnal emissions, the dangers of porn, Biblical morality, etc. Masculinity is taught and caught---BE A DAD and your son won't struggle with effeminacy or homosexuality.

I have to believe this would work; a healing, basically. The 4 year old male homosexual in my experience, a family friend growing up, did not get this. Mom wore the pants, btw.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by bbyrd009

I have to believe this would work; a healing, basically. The 4 year old male homosexual in my experience, a family friend growing up, did not get this. Mom wore the pants, btw.

I have a great passion for helping homosexuals. I feel the church, at least the ones I have been connected with, treated the issue with very little to no love. In 25 years of ministry I have had the opportunity to minister to 40 or so homosexuals, mostly males, to one degree or another. I don't sidestep the clear commands of Scripture concerning the sin, but I do have compassion and I believe Jesus can deliver the homosexual of the deep seated lies that consume the mind of the person struggling with same sex attractions.

In every case that I have dealt with, all 40 individuals did not have a normal, healthy relationship with their fathers. Either the father was physically absent from their lives, he was emotionally distant or he was physically or sexually abusive. I talked once about 20 years ago with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi in between sessions at a seminar and he confirmed my suspicions about the origins of homosexuality. He said in his practice that exclusively focused on the "reparative therapy" of male homosexuality that he never dealt with a single client that had a right relationship with their father. Its not the only contributor, but it's a huge factor.

Some homosexuals are adamant they have no desire to change. I have counseled with those and there is nothing you can do but release them to God and pray. Others I have counseled with could admit they struggled with same sex attractions but did not embrace a gay identity. Nicolosi calls these types of individuals as "non-gay homosexuals." One young man came to me years ago, a teenager, who admitted he had struggled with homosexual thoughts, that he had observed gay porn and he had a couple of homosexual encounters, one with another young man and one with a stranger in a park. He was mortified by his struggle. He was effeminate and had a dad who was clueless about emotional attachment and affection with his kids. He also had a strong mother who was definitely a matriarch type, more so out of necessity than desire, because of the apathy of the dad. This is also a reoccurring theme in a homosexual's homelife: a dominant mother, in many cases a smothering, overprotective, controlling figure that helps to encourage identifying with all things feminine rather than encouraging masculinity.

This young man communicated that he didn't want to be gay. He wanted to grow up, marry have kids and lead a normal life. We met for many weeks after school, praying, talking, doing Bible studies and being friends. That was 15 years ago and today he is happily married with children. When I see him I ask about how's doing and he knows what I mean and he'll communicate how he's doing in relationship to the temptations. I believe for him it will a lifetime challenge to overcome that sin, just like all of us who must deal with certain weaknesses that are against God's intended plan for our lives. The victory is that he came to me before he was too far into the lie and was able to focus on his desire to live for Jesus more than anything. He is living according to the truth and God continues to empower him to live victoriously.

As a side note, he called me one day to tell me he was getting engaged. He asked me if I thought he should share with her his past. I told him I thought was only fair tom tell her now than for her to learn about after marriage. He told her, she forgave him and said she loved him even more for his honesty. He is the best case of dealing with homosexuality that I personally know of, although there are thousands of "ex-gays" who are living proof that homosexuality can be overcome like any other sin.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

I have a great passion for helping homosexuals. I feel the church, at least the ones I have been connected with, treated the issue with very little to no love. In 25 years of ministry I have had the opportunity to minister to 40 or so homosexuals, mostly males, to one degree or another. I don't sidestep the clear commands of Scripture concerning the sin, but I do have compassion and I believe Jesus can deliver the homosexual of the deep seated lies that consume the mind of the person struggling with same sex attractions.

In every case that I have dealt with, all 40 individuals did not have a normal, healthy relationship with their fathers. Either the father was physically absent from their lives, he was emotionally distant or he was physically or sexually abusive. I talked once about 20 years ago with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi in between sessions at a seminar and he confirmed my suspicions about the origins of homosexuality. He said in his practice that exclusively focused on the "reparative therapy" of male homosexuality that he never dealt with a single client that had a right relationship with their father. Its not the only contributor, but it's a huge factor.

Some homosexuals are adamant they have no desire to change. I have counseled with those and there is nothing you can do but release them to God and pray. Others I have counseled with could admit they struggled with same sex attractions but did not embrace a gay identity. Nicolosi calls these types of individuals as "non-gay homosexuals." One young man came to me years ago, a teenager, who admitted he had struggled with homosexual thoughts, that he had observed gay porn and he had a couple of homosexual encounters, one with another young man and one with a stranger in a park. He was mortified by his struggle. He was effeminate and had a dad who was clueless about emotional attachment and affection with his kids. He also had a strong mother who was definitely a matriarch type, more so out of necessity than desire, because of the apathy of the dad. This is also a reoccurring theme in a homosexual's homelife: a dominant mother, in many cases a smothering, overprotective, controlling figure that helps to encourage identifying with all things feminine rather than encouraging masculinity.

This young man communicated that he didn't want to be gay. He wanted to grow up, marry have kids and lead a normal life. We met for many weeks after school, praying, talking, doing Bible studies and being friends. That was 15 years ago and today he is happily married with children. When I see him I ask about how's doing and he knows what I mean and he'll communicate how he's doing in relationship to the temptations. I believe for him it will a lifetime challenge to overcome that sin, just like all of us who must deal with certain weaknesses that are against God's intended plan for our lives. The victory is that he came to me before he was too far into the lie and was able to focus on his desire to live for Jesus more than anything. He is living according to the truth and God continues to empower him to live victoriously.

As a side note, he called me one day to tell me he was getting engaged. He asked me if I thought he should share with her his past. I told him I thought was only fair tom tell her now than for her to learn about after marriage. He told her, she forgave him and said she loved him even more for his honesty. He is the best case of dealing with homosexuality that I personally know of, although there are thousands of "ex-gays" who are living proof that homosexuality can be overcome like any other sin.

Awesome post!

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

The best thing a father can do to with an effeminate son is SPEND TIME with him. Teach him what a man does. Affirm him as his son. Love on him, hug him, be affectionate with his son so that one day he won't long to be in the arms of a man because his daddy showed him love when he yearned for it. Hunt, fish, play ball, wrestle, play video games, work, cut grass, garden, trim bushes and trees, go to ballgames together, talk about women, heterosexuality, puberty, nocturnal emissions, the dangers of porn, Biblical morality, etc. Masculinity is taught and caught---BE A DAD and your son won't struggle with effeminacy or homosexuality.

I know two excellent apostolic fathers (one a preacher) whose sons still expressed being gay. When one son came out the dad disowned him and kicked him out of the house. The kid moved in with his "boyfriend" and another room-mate.

It's really sad. This kid had such a good relationship with his dad he thought he could come out and still be loved. Nope. Sad.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

The best thing a father can do to with an effeminate son is SPEND TIME with him. Teach him what a man does. Affirm him as his son. Love on him, hug him, be affectionate with his son so that one day he won't long to be in the arms of a man because his daddy showed him love when he yearned for it. Hunt, fish, play ball, wrestle, play video games, work, cut grass, garden, trim bushes and trees, go to ballgames together, talk about women, heterosexuality, puberty, nocturnal emissions, the dangers of porn, Biblical morality, etc. Masculinity is taught and caught---BE A DAD and your son won't struggle with effeminacy or homosexuality.

I completely agree! I also think that obsessing over occasional "crossover" is not only ridiculous, but potentially harmful. I wouldn't punish my kids for behaving "butch"(aka, tomboys) or "feminine"(aka, the sensitive boy). Punishment is the wrong, wrong, WRONG approach and that's what scares me a little about the sermon--that someone might take it the wrong way and think they need to punish their kids for not being typically masculine or feminine.

My oldest daughter has loved horses her whole life, went through a phase when she refused to wear pink anything, and has always loved to fish, dig up worms and be in nature. Yes, along the way I had to encourage her to embrace her femininity along with her tomboy side, but I didn't berate her for liking "boy" things or make it a big deal that she'd rather fish than shop. Now, here she is at 16.5 and she's feminine and beautiful, embraces pink (finally!!!) and still loves her cowboy boots. The idea that I would have steered her away from her natural affinity for nature, horses and *dirt* for fear that she would be gay is appalling to me.

IMO, a father overreacting to his son liking something traditionally feminine would be a traumatic event. What if a boy loves to cook and learns to make pastry and cakes? So what? Maybe he will grow up to be a chef? How about if he DOESN'T like to hunt or kill animals? My husband HATES to hunt and when he went with my brother-in-law, he would scare the animals (rabbits, deer, whatever) away and then my BIL would angrily chase him through the woods. That doesn't make him less of a man! I love that he has stepped in and told our kids that we are to respect God's creation and that my son isn't allowed to squash frogs or torture animals just for the pleasure of it--something a lot of parents see as "typically male behavior."

Your post is fantastic. I recall reading something a LONG time ago that brought out statistics about the number of men who were gay relative to the number who had either bad relationships with their father--or no relationship at all. Interesting concept.

I wish parents would look at their kids through naked eyes, without the lens of our culture, and see them as coming into this world with God-given gifts--evidenced in their own unique personalities. Our job isn't to limit those gifts, but to discover their gifts and help them develop them.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I completely agree! I also think that obsessing over occasional "crossover" is not only ridiculous, but potentially harmful. I wouldn't punish my kids for behaving "butch"(aka, tomboys) or "feminine"(aka, the sensitive boy). Punishment is the wrong, wrong, WRONG approach and that's what scares me a little about the sermon--that someone might take it the wrong way and think they need to punish their kids for not being typically masculine or feminine.

My oldest daughter has loved horses her whole life, went through a phase when she refused to wear pink anything, and has always loved to fish, dig up worms and be in nature. Yes, along the way I had to encourage her to embrace her femininity along with her tomboy side, but I didn't berate her for liking "boy" things or make it a big deal that she'd rather fish than shop. Now, here she is at 16.5 and she's feminine and beautiful, embraces pink (finally!!!) and still loves her cowboy boots. The idea that I would have steered her away from her natural affinity for nature, horses and *dirt* for fear that she would be gay is appalling to me.

IMO, a father overreacting to his son liking something traditionally feminine would be a traumatic event. What if a boy loves to cook and learns to make pastry and cakes? So what? Maybe he will grow up to be a chef? How about if he DOESN'T like to hunt or kill animals? My husband HATES to hunt and when he went with my brother-in-law, he would scare the animals (rabbits, deer, whatever) away and then my BIL would angrily chase him through the woods. That doesn't make him less of a man! I love that he has stepped in and told our kids that we are to respect God's creation and that my son isn't allowed to squash frogs or torture animals just for the pleasure of it--something a lot of parents see as "typically male behavior."

Your post is fantastic. I recall reading something a LONG time ago that brought out statistics about the number of men who were gay relative to the number who had either bad relationships with their father--or no relationship at all. Interesting concept.

I wish parents would look at their kids through naked eyes, without the lens of our culture, and see them as coming into this world with God-given gifts--evidenced in their own unique personalities. Our job isn't to limit those gifts, but to discover their gifts and help them develop them.

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

yup.

[Jay]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I completely agree! I also think that obsessing over occasional "crossover" is not only ridiculous, but potentially harmful. I wouldn't punish my kids for behaving "butch"(aka, tomboys) or "feminine"(aka, the sensitive boy). Punishment is the wrong, wrong, WRONG approach and that's what scares me a little about the sermon--that someone might take it the wrong way and think they need to punish their kids for not being typically masculine or feminine.

My oldest daughter has loved horses her whole life, went through a phase when she refused to wear pink anything, and has always loved to fish, dig up worms and be in nature. Yes, along the way I had to encourage her to embrace her femininity along with her tomboy side, but I didn't berate her for liking "boy" things or make it a big deal that she'd rather fish than shop. Now, here she is at 16.5 and she's feminine and beautiful, embraces pink (finally!!!) and still loves her cowboy boots. The idea that I would have steered her away from her natural affinity for nature, horses and *dirt* for fear that she would be gay is appalling to me.

IMO, a father overreacting to his son liking something traditionally feminine would be a traumatic event. What if a boy loves to cook and learns to make pastry and cakes? So what? Maybe he will grow up to be a chef? How about if he DOESN'T like to hunt or kill animals? My husband HATES to hunt and when he went with my brother-in-law, he would scare the animals (rabbits, deer, whatever) away and then my BIL would angrily chase him through the woods. That doesn't make him less of a man! I love that he has stepped in and told our kids that we are to respect God's creation and that my son isn't allowed to squash frogs or torture animals just for the pleasure of it--something a lot of parents see as "typically male behavior."

Your post is fantastic. I recall reading something a LONG time ago that brought out statistics about the number of men who were gay relative to the number who had either bad relationships with their father--or no relationship at all. Interesting concept.

I wish parents would look at their kids through naked eyes, without the lens of our culture, and see them as coming into this world with God-given gifts--evidenced in their own unique personalities. Our job isn't to limit those gifts, but to discover their gifts and help them develop them.

I have to agree with much of the above statements. My youngest brother and I are not hunters, although he will fish, and are more introverted. Both of us might be labeled as 'emotional', although I think it fits him more than myself.

I am given to reading, study, and thinking. I do not do things well with my hands, and my father and I only share a few strong similarities namely tastes in food, music, standards, and the preaching of the Word.

However, even with the differences, my Dad never made us feel like we were any less for being different than what the popular concept of 'masculinity' is. So we went camping, traveling, and doing things as a family, and always enjoyed our time together.

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

This is all true, however there are also those cases when a boy or youth is molested by a man and then has to deal with the thoughts and desires that have been brought on by the sexual activity. Also, with our schools actively promoting the gay lifestyle and encouraging students to participate in such things, it will occur that we will have to deal with those who have chosen to be gay as a willful lifestyle.