Emotional Vampires

Pro31:28 · #1 08-05-2008, 05:17 AM

Hey guys,

I was doing some reading yesterday and came across the term "emotional vampires" these are extremely emotionally needy people.
From an article:
"They complain, boast, brag and some are all about self pity. The key is, they drain us and use us to dump on us feeling afterward energized, making us feel wiped out and with a huge headache. We feel our energy has been robbed..." http://www.ehow.com/how_2243972_reco...paign=yssp_art

I have heard the term before but yesterday I thought a lot about it. I think because I am a natural encourager, I tend to attract these people. I have seen a lot of them and I was just curious what other people thought about it. Maybe our resident counselor, or our AFF pastors can shed some light on it for us

Do you know any of these?
Do you think the church attracts these kinds of people?
What should be done about them?

Rhoni · #2 08-05-2008, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

Hey guys,

I was doing some reading yesterday and came across the term "emotional vampires" these are extremely emotionally needy people.
From an article:
"They complain, boast, brag and some are all about self pity. The key is, they drain us and use us to dump on us feeling afterward energized, making us feel wiped out and with a huge headache. We feel our energy has been robbed..." http://www.ehow.com/how_2243972_reco...paign=yssp_art

I have heard the term before but yesterday I thought a lot about it. I think because I am a natural encourager, I tend to attract these people. I have seen a lot of them and I was just curious what other people thought about it. Maybe our resident counselor, or our AFF pastors can shed some light on it for us

Do you know any of these?
Do you think the church attracts these kinds of people?
What should be done about them?

Prov31,

It is my observation that 'emotional vampires' are not just contained within churches. They are people on the job, in churches, in communities, that when you ask them how they are they give you an hour long dissertation. They are people who have to call and talk for hours reiterating the same things over and over again. They always have a problem and always want to explain what they mean like it will change the way you think about them or the situation.

Dr. Laura handles it well. She cuts them off and says, "Answer the question." She then tells them she don't have time to listen to it, it won't change the outcome. She finailzes it by saying. "I am going to hang up now...go and do the right thing".

There are 'needy' people that do need encouragement when they are coming out of a dysfunctional environment, or relationship, or just coming to God. Many just need discipled, a Bible study, a prayer group, or a therapist, Just ask God for wisdom to discern and stay away from people that emotionally zap your strength and victory.

Even as a therapist, I have to know when it is a bad time to listen to other people's problems and when to get away for some self care. You cannot give to others when you are going through something equally as difficult or you need a break.

Boundaries is the answer. Do not listen, do not go where they are, do not give the open door for the discussion. If you happen to get caught by someone like this...find a reason to break away, time to meet someone, have to go do..., expecting a phone call. Practice saying, "No".

Blessings, Rhoni

rgcraig · #3 08-05-2008, 06:03 AM

Yes, I know a couple!

StillStanding · #4 08-05-2008, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Yes, I know a couple!

Hey! You said you wouldn't tell!!

MrsMcD · #5 08-05-2008, 06:58 AM

I can be an emotional nutcase sometime.

RevDWW · #6 08-05-2008, 07:11 AM

If you eat enough garlic, they'll stay away from you and your breath..........

Pro31:28 · #7 08-05-2008, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Prov31,

It is my observation that 'emotional vampires' are not just contained within churches. They are people on the job, in churches, in communities, that when you ask them how they are they give you an hour long dissertation. They are people who have to call and talk for hours reiterating the same things over and over again. They always have a problem and always want to explain what they mean like it will change the way you think about them or the situation.

Dr. Laura handles it well. She cuts them off and says, "Answer the question." She then tells them she don't have time to listen to it, it won't change the outcome. She finailzes it by saying. "I am going to hang up now...go and do the right thing".

There are 'needy' people that do need encouragement when they are coming out of a dysfunctional environment, or relationship, or just coming to God. Many just need discipled, a Bible study, a prayer group, or a therapist, Just ask God for wisdom to discern and stay away from people that emotionally zap your strength and victory.

Even as a therapist, I have to know when it is a bad time to listen to other people's problems and when to get away for some self care. You cannot give to others when you are going through something equally as difficult or you need a break.

Boundaries is the answer. Do not listen, do not go where they are, do not give the open door for the discussion. If you happen to get caught by someone like this...find a reason to break away, time to meet someone, have to go do..., expecting a phone call. Practice saying, "No".

Blessings, Rhoni

Oh, I understand they are not JUST in church, I have found that many of these people like to find Christians because they generally are more compassionate.
Thanks Rhoni for that great explanation and advice, I knew we could count on you!

Rhoni · #8 08-05-2008, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

Oh, I understand they are not JUST in church, I have found that many of these people like to find Christians because they generally are more compassionate.
Thanks Rhoni for that great explanation and advice, I knew we could count on you!

You're welcome. We therapists have a cute saying when it comes to "Boundaries": Someone needs a trip to Wal-mart to get some 'Boundaries'.

Blessings, Rhoni

Margies3 · #9 08-05-2008, 11:57 AM

I have a friend who used to be a good friend. I still consider her a friend, but honestly, I make excuses most of the time not to get together with her.

The problem is that she caught her husband emailing back and forth with her best friend. She did not catch them in the act of adultery and adultery was never brought up in the emails. But the emails were more intimate than they should have been. Since her husband had cheated on her before and since her best friend had cheated on her husband twice before, my friend assumed that was what was going on. It has still never been proven.

So she asked him to leave. But she's a Christian and he is not, she didn't feel like she could divorce him (does anyone here understand that? not me!) Anyhow he finally decided to go ahead with it. So now the divorce is finally over.

And I'm thinking, good. We can get back to normal. So I went to lunch with her on Sunday. Oh my goodness! It was DRAINING! All we talked about was #1 her 'date' the night before that she didn't really want to have as a date, but ended up that way against her will (??) and
#2 her divorce - AGAIN!

I know that some people on here are divorced. Please assure me that this will not go on forever with her! What can I do to help her move on? Or should I just follow Rhoni's advice and set boundaries?

Rhoni · #10 08-05-2008, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3

I have a friend who used to be a good friend. I still consider her a friend, but honestly, I make excuses most of the time not to get together with her.

The problem is that she caught her husband emailing back and forth with her best friend. She did not catch them in the act of adultery and adultery was never brought up in the emails. But the emails were more intimate than they should have been. Since her husband had cheated on her before and since her best friend had cheated on her husband twice before, my friend assumed that was what was going on. It has still never been proven.

So she asked him to leave. But she's a Christian and he is not, she didn't feel like she could divorce him (does anyone here understand that? not me!) Anyhow he finally decided to go ahead with it. So now the divorce is finally over.

And I'm thinking, good. We can get back to normal. So I went to lunch with her on Sunday. Oh my goodness! It was DRAINING! All we talked about was #1 her 'date' the night before that she didn't really want to have as a date, but ended up that way against her will (??) and
#2 her divorce - AGAIN!

I know that some people on here are divorced. Please assure me that this will not go on forever with her! What can I do to help her move on? Or should I just follow Rhoni's advice and set boundaries?

Margie,

Suggest a Divorce Support/Recovery group or individual counseling and set boundaries. A divorced person should not date until all the past issues have been resolved. Their issues are emotionally draining on anyone within earshot. I drained my friends for years until I got myself into therapy.

Blessings, Rhoni