You Might Be an Apostolic Redneck If.....

[RandyWayne]

If you ever missed a best friends wedding because it was on a Saturday night and out of town and you didn't have you pastors permission to miss church the next morning, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever felt guilty watching a slide show because the frames switched too fast and thus appeared too much like video, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever gave up a new job in another town because your pastor did not give permission to move, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever averted your eyes while walking through the electronics section of Sears because of the TV's on the wall (no matter that it was only a Sears Kenmore appliance commercial in a continual loop) you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you EVER thought someone was lost despite their overall apostolic appearance -because you caught a glimpse of elbow, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you attended bible college expecting to graduate with a 70K a year salary, Lincoln, and prized parking spot, and being honored as "God's Anointed", you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you dated your soon-to-be wife ONLY after getting your pastors permission, and now 15 years later sorta wish he wouldn't have given it, you MAY be an apostolic redneck!

And finally, if you feel the best way to grow the church is to have as many children as possible (giving them all names with the same 1st letter of course) you may be a redneck -apostolic or otherwise.

[RandyWayne]

If you have ever rejoiced when someone repented. Rejoiced when someone received the Holy Ghost. Rejoiced when someone was baptized, but saved the REAL rejoicing for when they showed up in a dress or shaved and looking the part, you ARE an apostolic redneck!

If you ever got out of square dancing in gym class, then your parents are apostolic rednecks.

If you ever stopped talking to you best friend after they left your current church for another because it was demanded from the platform that they be shunned, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If your wife goes through a whole can of hairspray on a single Sunday, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you always call theaters "movie houses" or swimming "mixed bathing", or calling anyone who discovered even a sliver of liberty a "backslider", you may be an apostolic redneck.

And finally, if you refuse to run from any danger -not because you feel God will protect you, but because your wife has uncut hair, you may be an apostolic redneck.

[notofworks]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

If you have ever rejoiced when someone repented. Rejoiced when someone received the Holy Ghost. Rejoiced when someone was baptized, but saved the REAL rejoicing for when they showed up in a dress or shaved and looking the part, you ARE an apostolic redneck!

If you ever got out of square dancing in gym class, then your parents are apostolic rednecks.

If you ever stopped talking to you best friend after they left your current church for another because it was demanded from the platform that they be shunned, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If your wife goes through a whole can of hairspray on a single Sunday, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you always call theaters "movie houses" or swimming "mixed bathing", or calling anyone who discovered even a sliver of liberty a "backslider", you may be an apostolic redneck.

And finally, if you refuse to run from any danger -not because you feel God will protect you, but because your wife has uncut hair, you may be an apostolic redneck.

My wife? Ppffftt......I used to!!!!

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by notofworks

My wife? Ppffftt......I used to!!!!

LOL

Obviously you never discovered Gel! Or the wonderful but extremely overpriced Bed Head products!

[notofworks]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

LOL

Obviously you never discovered Gel! Or the wonderful but extremely overpriced Bed Head products!

Naaa, it's gotta be good-ole super-glue hairspray. Take a look at Kenneth Haney's hair and try to explain how he gets that done without an entire can of Aqua-Net.

[commonsense]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

If you have ever rejoiced when someone repented. Rejoiced when someone received the Holy Ghost. Rejoiced when someone was baptized, but saved the REAL rejoicing for when they showed up in a dress or shaved and looking the part, you ARE an apostolic redneck!

If you ever got out of square dancing in gym class, then your parents are apostolic rednecks.
.

I guess I don't qualify then, my mother didn't write the note. She didn't have a problem with square dancing (in 1959 and the 6th grade).



I'm not a redneck but I've known a few.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by commonsense

I guess I don't qualify then, my mother didn't write the note. She didn't have a problem with square dancing (in 1959 and the 6th grade).



I'm not a redneck but I've known a few.

I was actually happy to get out of square dancing in JH! I had no idea WHY it was forbidden by our church but was just glad I didn't have to do it.