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06-26-2012, 01:33 PM
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I Am That I Am.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Southern Louisiana
Posts: 1,500
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Thank you for the prayers everyone, I'm feeling a bit better today. I have a feeling it's because I have two days off work. I'm sorta feeling a bit like a leach, living off the prayers of others and worrying everyone, it's just tough holding in and holding in what you're feeling and no one knowing what's wrong. But I've managed to put back on my false smile, and my mind is made up, I'm going to prayer meeting tonight. No doubt everyone's going to want to know where I've been and what I've been doing, and I can't very well say, "Oh you know, manic depression, drug binge, losing faith, same old same old." So...meh. You know, you guys know a lot more about me and my mind than anyone I really KNOW. *Enter witty and clever closing statement here*
__________________
1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
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06-26-2012, 01:51 PM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 16,848
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Matt
Thank you for the prayers everyone, I'm feeling a bit better today. I have a feeling it's because I have two days off work. I'm sorta feeling a bit like a leach, living off the prayers of others and worrying everyone, it's just tough holding in and holding in what you're feeling and no one knowing what's wrong. But I've managed to put back on my false smile, and my mind is made up, I'm going to prayer meeting tonight. No doubt everyone's going to want to know where I've been and what I've been doing, and I can't very well say, "Oh you know, manic depression, drug binge, losing faith, same old same old." So...meh. You know, you guys know a lot more about me and my mind than anyone I really KNOW. *Enter witty and clever closing statement here*
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I will continue praying for you as I know many on here will do as well. I hope you have a good Christian counselor / therapist you can talk to.
__________________
"I think some people love spiritual bondage just the way some people love physical bondage. It makes them feel secure. In the end though it is not healthy for the one who is lost over it or the one who is lives under the oppression even if by their own choice"
Titus2woman on AFF
"We did not wear uniforms. The lady workers dressed in the current fashions of the day, ...silks...satins...jewels or whatever they happened to possess. They were very smartly turned out, so that they made an impressive appearance on the streets where a large part of our work was conducted in the early years.
"It was not until long after, when former Holiness preachers had become part of us, that strict plainness of dress began to be taught.
"Although Entire Sanctification was preached at the beginning of the Movement, it was from a Wesleyan viewpoint, and had in it very little of the later Holiness Movement characteristics. Nothing was ever said about apparel, for everyone was so taken up with the Lord that mode of dress seemingly never occurred to any of us."
Quote from Ethel Goss (widow of 1st UPC Gen Supt. Howard Goss) book "The Winds of God"
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06-26-2012, 02:07 PM
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I Am That I Am.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Southern Louisiana
Posts: 1,500
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
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Originally Posted by CC1
I will continue praying for you as I know many on here will do as well. I hope you have a good Christian counselor / therapist you can talk to.
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I've been trying to look for a free one or one that works with your income, I've been unable to find one in my area. Right now, my brothers and sisters in church, and this place is my therapy.
__________________
1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
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06-26-2012, 02:28 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: AZ
Posts: 16,746
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
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Originally Posted by The Matt
I'd guesstimate about 2:30-2:45 am central, but I fail to see the connection?
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There is none. None at all.
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06-26-2012, 03:52 PM
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This is still that!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Sebastian, FL
Posts: 9,817
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
we are a wierd lot, but we do love you Matt, it's nice to have a place where you can come and be yourself, isnt it? 
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06-26-2012, 04:01 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,206
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Matt
Thanks for the advice and the encouragement everyone. I will not be changing my meds. For the simple reason that I don't trust having my own life in my own hands without them. I will be going back to church for prayer meeting tomorrow, and I will not be church hopping. And I have gotten one concerned call from one of the sweetest ladies on the planet, not long after this thread was started. And I also got a home visit today from my best friend in church. I know where I messed up to get myself into this current depression. I missed church, because I wanted to get high, and then I couldn't stop, and now I'm realizing 7 months of sobriety are suddenly down the drain. Let's see what else....oh I will not be smoking any pot. The only thing pot does is numb me to the point where I'm void of emotion and feelings, good or bad, and the most recent few times I've smoked 7 months ago, panic attacks. I'm off to work in T minus two minutes, so if I can get through tonight, and get to prayer meeting tomorrow, I think I'll be ok. I hope. The Matt...out.
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Matt, why don't you talk to God like you talked to us in the original post? Tell Him how you feel. He'll listen to you and He will help you if you'll be honest with Him and let him. And don't you ever fear, He'll listen.
Praying for you!
Been Thinkin
__________________
"From the time you're born, 'til you ride in the hearse, there ain't nothing bad that couldn't be worse!"
LIFE: Some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant! 
I have ... Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia! The fear of long words.
"Prediction is very hard, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra
"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave in reflection." - Thomas Paine
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06-26-2012, 05:32 PM
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I Am That I Am.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Southern Louisiana
Posts: 1,500
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
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Originally Posted by Amanah
we are a wierd lot, but we do love you Matt, it's nice to have a place where you can come and be yourself, isnt it? |
It certainly is. A big battle of mine is trying to appear normal to the people in my life. And as you can tell from some of my past posts, sometimes the things that are immediately on my mind are sometimes not considered before said, and might come off as hurtful or stupid or whatever, and I have to be extra careful and double think about everything I say. It's such a struggle.
__________________
1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
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06-26-2012, 05:37 PM
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I Am That I Am.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Southern Louisiana
Posts: 1,500
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeenThinkin
Matt, why don't you talk to God like you talked to us in the original post? Tell Him how you feel. He'll listen to you and He will help you if you'll be honest with Him and let him. And don't you ever fear, He'll listen.
Praying for you!
Been Thinkin
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I dunno, lately its been like there's been a brick wall between me and God. I set myself down, get ready to pray, and just nothing comes to mind. It's like...I dunno a mental block when I actually prepare myself to pray. I'm going to go get anointed at prayer meeting tonight, and ask a few of my brothers to pray for me. And hopefully just being at church will help ease my mind.
__________________
1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
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06-26-2012, 05:44 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,206
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Matt
I dunno, lately its been like there's been a brick wall between me and God. I set myself down, get ready to pray, and just nothing comes to mind. It's like...I dunno a mental block when I actually prepare myself to pray. I'm going to go get anointed at prayer meeting tonight, and ask a few of my brothers to pray for me. And hopefully just being at church will help ease my mind.
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Don't sit down to "pray" just sit down and talk to the best friend you've ever and will ever have. Sometimes because He's God we think we have to "pray that spiritual, top of the shelf" prayer. Nah! Just talk to Him like you've talked to us. Tell Him all the things you've posted. He already knows it all but He likes for His kids to talk to Him. He's not gonna disown you, even if you happen to raise your voice "a little!" If you know what I mean!
Hang in there! Someone said, "From the time you're born til you ride in the hearse, there ain't nothing bad that couldn't be worse!" And with all of us liberals, malcontents, conservatives, ultra-conservatives, and Timmy (jk) praying for you, you got to make it!!! Look up, get up and don't ever give up!
Been Thinkin
__________________
"From the time you're born, 'til you ride in the hearse, there ain't nothing bad that couldn't be worse!"
LIFE: Some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant!
I have ... Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia! The fear of long words.
"Prediction is very hard, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra
"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave in reflection." - Thomas Paine
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06-26-2012, 05:49 PM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 16,848
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Re: Just Some Things I've Been Holding In
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Matt
I've been trying to look for a free one or one that works with your income, I've been unable to find one in my area. Right now, my brothers and sisters in church, and this place is my therapy.
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Many large evangelical churches either have on staff or are affiliated with certified Christian counselors who offer their services with the charge based on income.
You should look in the yellow pages or google Christian Counseling for your area and I bet you will find some. Although they most likely won't be Pentecostal they will not try to change your religion just help you. The fact that they will have a Christian world view is what makes them so much better to deal with than secular counselors.
__________________
"I think some people love spiritual bondage just the way some people love physical bondage. It makes them feel secure. In the end though it is not healthy for the one who is lost over it or the one who is lives under the oppression even if by their own choice"
Titus2woman on AFF
"We did not wear uniforms. The lady workers dressed in the current fashions of the day, ...silks...satins...jewels or whatever they happened to possess. They were very smartly turned out, so that they made an impressive appearance on the streets where a large part of our work was conducted in the early years.
"It was not until long after, when former Holiness preachers had become part of us, that strict plainness of dress began to be taught.
"Although Entire Sanctification was preached at the beginning of the Movement, it was from a Wesleyan viewpoint, and had in it very little of the later Holiness Movement characteristics. Nothing was ever said about apparel, for everyone was so taken up with the Lord that mode of dress seemingly never occurred to any of us."
Quote from Ethel Goss (widow of 1st UPC Gen Supt. Howard Goss) book "The Winds of God"
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