Just Some Things I've Been Holding In

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

That depends on whether my opinion or advice was indeed c*r*a*p like the advice you chose to give.

When you advise someone to stop going to church, your advice is stupid and shouldn't be listened to. If you chose to no longer go to church and make up your own personalized brand of nonsense spirituality then at least you are only risking your own soul. When you pass it off to others and tell them it is ok to just not go to church anymore then you are indeed giving stupid advice.

And yes...if I gave such advice I would expect someone to point out how stupid I was being. You aren't intersted in feeling loved, appreciated nor do you care about how it is communicated. You just don't like it when someone doesn't pat your head and tell you it's fine to spread idiot ideas like "just stop going to church. Make up your own rules/religion. I did and it's oh so wonderful".

When I need rebuke or correction I am fine with it. Your advice was terrible and dangerous and deserved a rebuke. You won't accept it because in your mind you are just hunky dory. Every mans way is right in his own eyes, even when it is dead wrong.

You said if you gave such advice you would expect someone to point out how stupid you were being (your words).

Okay, you are being stupid (your word). Not because you believe church is necessary and biblical but because you think someone who disagrees with you should be called stupid and asinine. You believe that someone who disagrees with you should be verbally abused and emotionally beaten up.

If my kids need correction, I correct them. I never call their ideas stupid and asinine. That would be abuse.

What is wrong with the UPC is that they call abuse good and spiritual and necessary.

[Michael Phelps]

Originally Posted by CC1

I didn't say he needed to keep going to THAT church. I said that he needed A church to support him, teach him, disciple, him etc as Ephesians chapter 4 tells us when talking about why Christians need pastors, teachers, etc in their lives to help disciple them.

You are absolutely correct that he needs some practical counseling and support. If you have read my posts you will see that I have strongly urged him to seek out CERTIFIED Christian counseling and gave him pointers on how to find one of those counselors.

I'm more inclined to agree with this approach.

I don't know Matt's situation fully, and not sure about his church, but it sounds like it's more inclined to the "just pray about it and it will go away" approach than the "let's use our brains, and seek out people who can help us" approach.

Many of our churches take the same approach to mental health as some of the extremist groups take to physical help - no doctors needed, thank you.

[Nitehawk013]

Im not UPC. Never have been.

Heres the fact of the matter. YOu area well known poster and I never remember having any issue ever with anythign you ahave ever said. Nothing that sticks out in my mind at least. You seem like a likeable person all the time. In this regard though, you are passing off this horrible nonsense as helpful advice and then you thinkit terrible that you got called on it.

I don't think you are stupid or assinine. I think your idea and advice is. I don't think anyone who disagrees should be called stupid, but stupid ideas and advice should be called for what they are. I never said YOU were stupid. YOU just had a horrible experience in the past and so you left church and think that is a fine thing for anyone to do. THAT is stupid, YOU aren't. Big difference.

What's wrong with many people, UPC or otherwise, is that they refuse to be truthful and call a spade a spade. If something is dangerous, call it dangerous. If something is wrong, call it wrong. If something is stupid, call it stupid. And if someone can't give good advice because they themselves were hurt by a church and therefore think others should just leave church...they should be called on the carpet.

[Azzan]

Originally Posted by The Matt

I made it to prayer meeting. It was extremely awkward. It felt like a strange place I'd never been to, and I felt like everyone could read every emotion I was feeling. I remember putting on my big I'm ok smile a few times, but I remember more times where I just muttered a half hearted "I'm good". I felt like everyone was thinking "Oh look. The backslider. He must've run out of dope" I broke down crying on the way home, and my poor dad bless his heart tried to comfort me, but he's a bit of an emotional cripple. He tries though, he loves me. All I could think was "Mama would have known exactly what to say," and it made me cry even more. I go to the psychiatrist tomorrow. I have to decide what to tell her. I can't tell her I did any drugs, I've been warned before that she will stop seeing me if it happens again. It just feels like a losing battle, I know exactly what's going to happen. She's going to cut one medicine, start me on another, its not going to work, another month of misery, rinse and repeat. I can't tell her how stressed I am, because anxiety medicine is just going to send me on a downward spiral. Oh, and the chest pain came back again. Physical manifestation of heartache? Indigestion? Medication side effect? Wrong kind of soap? I have no idea. Everything seems like the hardest decision in the world, and I don't know if I make my life this bad, or if life is actually this complicated and I just don't know how to deal with it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. God, I'm begging you to live up to your word. I'm past my limit. I need my escape.

Matt, you don't know me. I rarely post here, mostly sit in the corner and just listen.

But I've been to the lowest of lows, and when I say low, I mean to the point of attempting suicide, not once but twice. But I survived and I know you can too!

We ALL have struggles and issues. We all feel alone at times even when we are surrounded by people. Know that you are not alone!

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by The Matt

Sorry I haven't been around, I've just lost my taste for arguing my point and being disproven, being told I'm wrong about everything I believe and think. I just have feelings that I need to put out to other people, that's going to destroy me if I keep holding them in. I live every day of my life with the thought, maybe tomorrow will be better. But it's getting harder and harder to fool myself. That thought comes true maybe 3 days a year. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. Misery is a rough bed fellow. It's like...I think to myself, "ok maybe if I do this I'll feel better" And then I try something, and I don't feel better. My family, I can tell, get frustrated with me. It's not like I don't have support, I have family that loves me very much. But they want me to talk to them, to tell them what's wrong, to tell them what they can do for me. But I just don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't been to church in a week, I just don't have the want to or the courage to face Holy Ghost filled people in the condition I'm in. I've slipped in the past few weeks, and did a few drugs to try to drown out the pain. It makes me sick that I was weak, but when they were in my face, the temptation to feel better for a few hours was just too much. I've been feeling anger lately that I haven't felt in years. I called my brother in law, and told him I hurt my back at work, and made the comment that a pain pill would be nice right now. He turned around and told my sister that I asked him for pain pills, and she called me chewing me out. I tried to explain to her that I was just saying IT WOULD BE NICE, which is what I meant, then she put him back on the phone, and he started saying I was calling him a liar, and saying he was going to come to my house and, using a nicer word than he said, kick my butt. I exploded, started seeing black, cursed him out, and ended the call begging him to show up, the last thing I told him is he better bring a bat or a gun, because if he stepped on my property I was going to break his kneecaps. I lost the trust and respect that my sister has gotten for me over the past seven months, because of a misunderstanding. I can't expect an instant medical miracle from my doctor, we've been trying to get my medicine right since 2008. It's just a vicious cycle, medication after medication after medication. I just want peace, I want happiness, I want to feel like a normal functioning human being. I want a reason to get up in the morning other than because I can't sleep anymore. Anytime I talk to one of my brothers and sisters from church, or my pastor, I either get "Just pray. God knows." or "Read the bible, there's answers in there" When I pray, God doesn't answer. All I hear are my own thoughts, or things I've learned from church. And when I read the bible all I see are things that point to me going to hell when I die. I don't understand, is this just a lifelong trial? There has to be happiness somewhere, true happiness that lasts more than a few hours, or a day. There are just so many things going wrong. The job I'm working, doesn't pay my bills. If I take into consideration the things in my house that are paid for by my aunt and uncle, and the groceries they help me out with, I'm over 200 dollars behind every paycheck. And then once my car gets fixed, I'll have to pay car insurance. I'm stressed out to the max over that. When I come home from my job, I don't even have the energy or the strength to take a shower. I just collapse on my couch and pass out. I'm getting really worried about my physical health too, I've been having chest pain around where my heart is. And my energy is just sapped lately, by the time 4 hours of my 8 hour shift is up, I'm dragging and pushing myself as hard as I can, by 5 or 6 hours I'm just on autopilot. I'm so very lonely. The brothers at church mostly have families, and are busy with that. I've tried a dating site to meet women, and in four months I've gotten one girl to have an ongoing conversation with me, and she's not interested in a relationship with me. But to be honest, I'm scared to death of putting a woman through the trouble of dealing with me. I hate who I am. I try to be as nice as I can be to people. I always have a smile on. People even tell me I make them happy, because they can count on me to have a smile and a handshake. But that smile is masking a dark, self loathing, miserable person. And this isn't just a mood I'm in. This is every day life for me. It's not am I depressed today or am I happy today. It's am I depressed today, really depressed today, or extremely depressed today. Today is extremely. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't see myself living the rest of my life like this. The thought of being like this one more day makes me want to break down. My mom understood, and she used to be able to talk to me, and make me feel better for at least a while. She always had answers to things I couldn't figure out. But now she's gone. And I don't know how to deal with it. I'm bottling it up. I'm bottling everything up. I can't let other people see what I really am. Well, if you made it this far, thanks for "listening". I don't need any suggestions on what medication I should or shouldn't be on. And I swear if one more person tells me to pray about it, I'm going to put my fist through a wall. I just needed to get these feelings out. I don't feel any better now, but hopefully now my mind will stop swirling.

As far as the falling stuff. Don't beat yourself up. Nobody is perfect. God is not a capricious God waiting to punish us or stop loving us.

Guilt can do terrible things to us. Trust Him.

Don't be afraid to approach God when you are not feeling Spiritual. That is the time we need Him most and the time He is most wanting to hear from you.

Some people feel like if the sin, they can't pray to God for a day or so or they can't go to church. That is absolutely false. That is not what God wants. He wants you to rely on Him even more.

He Loves you. He really does.

[TGBTG]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

As far as the falling stuff. Don't beat yourself up. Nobody is perfect. God is not a capricious God waiting to punish us or stop loving us.

Guilt can do terrible things to us. Trust Him.

Don't be afraid to approach God when you are not feeling Spiritual. That is the time we need Him most and the time He is most wanting to hear from you.

Some people feel like if the sin, they can't pray to God for a day or so or they can't go to church. That is absolutely false. That is not what God wants. He wants you to rely on Him even more.

He Loves you. He really does.

Gen 3:8
And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden...

[Cindy]

Matt, hope you are having a better day. I will tell you that I struggle daily with some physical problems, and the stress of that causes emotional stress as well. I do know that a lot of people go off their meds, and look for help with illegal drugs. Lets face it, if we get high or mellowed it feels good. But, there are those lows that sneak up on us, when we come down. It's a never ending cycle it seems. There is hope for all of us in Jesus Christ. I do encourage you to try to find someone you trust, family, friend, or anyone to pour out your heart to. It helps to have someone face to face I know.

Praying for you, Matt.

[AreYouReady?]

I want to point out that many people stop going to church because the five-fold ministry basically is NOT present in many UPC churches, despite what they say.

Ephesians 4:11-13
11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;
12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

Some of ya'll forget that there are some OP churches that are ....basically....corrupt. Go ahead and stone me if you want over that statement but I stand by it because I have seen it with my own eyes here in my own region. There ain't no five-fold ministry in those churches!

My debut into these forums here was after the internet led me here to read a whole thread about how a pastor in Georgia told horrible lies against a woman so her husband who divorced her could marry the pastor's daughter.

That is corrupt and an assassination of that woman's character by a UPC Pastor.


If a prophet steps foot into some UPC churches and if they could, they would stone him like the ancient Israelites stoned their prophets.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

(hand on head, messing up 2 hours work and a can of Final Net)... ARISE AYR!

Now I am not the only one resurected on AFF

Hey girl. Glad to see you! Thought about you just yesterday.

I'm afraid that it will take more than a can of Final Net to fix this mop.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

As far as the falling stuff. Don't beat yourself up. Nobody is perfect. God is not a capricious God waiting to punish us or stop loving us.

Guilt can do terrible things to us. Trust Him.

Don't be afraid to approach God when you are not feeling Spiritual. That is the time we need Him most and the time He is most wanting to hear from you.

Some people feel like if the sin, they can't pray to God for a day or so or they can't go to church. That is absolutely false. That is not what God wants. He wants you to rely on Him even more.

He Loves you. He really does.