just in need of some different opinions and advice - Page 2

Nitehawk013 · #11 02-10-2010, 12:50 PM

If he is a leader as he says, then loyalty should demand him to go to his Pastor and elders with these issues. Not a random forum KNOWN to be VERY liberal leaning and anti-standards.

n david was spot on. This is not the right way to handle 192281's issue. All that will com eof it is simple: odds are he just gets a bitter feeling over these things because people here will "amen" his every disagreement with his Pastor's requirements. That will lead him to feel angry.

192281 should go straight to his Pastor. If he cannot submit to the leader and live according to what his Pastor requires of his staff, let 192281 step down honorably.

*AQuietPlace* · #12 02-10-2010, 12:55 PM

192281 is not struggling with standards. He has resolved that issue. He is struggling with how/when to leave. He knows he needs to, but his wife doesn't want to.

That's a tough place to be with no easy answer.

Again, this is a great place to get support when you're in that place.

192281 · #13 02-10-2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

If he is a leader as he says, then loyalty should demand him to go to his Pastor and elders with these issues. Not a random forum KNOWN to be VERY liberal leaning and anti-standards.

n david was spot on. This is not the right way to handle 192281's issue. All that will com eof it is simple: odds are he just gets a bitter feeling over these things because people here will "amen" his every disagreement with his Pastor's requirements. That will lead him to feel angry.

192281 should go straight to his Pastor. If he cannot submit to the leader and live according to what his Pastor requires of his staff, let 192281 step down honorably.

Wow Im just trying to get some advice, there is No need for your remarks. If you think my question is out of line then why not just leave it be. I am in NO way bitter or angry with my church or Pastor. Just because one disagrees with someone does not mean they are bitter or angry. I hold my Pastor and most my church in high respect. Yes, we differ on many things but I still know most of them are doing what they feel is right just like I am doing what I feel is right.

AS STATED ALREADY in my FIRST post. I have already counseled with elders and this includes my pastor. I was advised as long as I uphold the standard than it is fine to stay in leadership.

Since I have more of an issue with the Hypocrisy of it all I will probably remove myself from leadership as a whole when I meet with my Pastor again. It’s not that I have certain standards I want to drop, as a man what really do we do that is noticeably separate when it comes to appearance..Clothes and such. I live today just like I did 3 years ago before I had one question concerning these issues.

AGAIN, this is not a question concerning standards. I do not feel those who live by them or those who dont are hell bound in any way and I respect those who uphold standards due to conviction and understanding that not everyone will have that same conviction.

My post was to see what some people would suggest I do and maybe see if any other CHRISTIAN men or women have been in this situation..That’s all

The situation being...My wife wants to stay where we are out of comfort but Im feeling a pull to leave.

Thanks for those who are understanding and willing to READ the post before making suggestions.

missourimary · #14 02-10-2010, 01:59 PM

I've never had to decide with a spouse. I still believe that prayer may be the best answer. If you go and she stays, there will be struggles. If you both go, she needs to be settled in her heart about the decision. And of course, you could both stay but you've tried that and you're uncomfortable with it.

So saying, pray, is not a flip answer. It's the only one I can think of.

HRea · #15 02-10-2010, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 192281

The situation being...My wife wants to stay where we are out of comfort but Im feeling a pull to leave.

There are souls that hang in the balance and your decisions are not only very difficult ones to make but will have impact on those who are less spiritually and naturally mature than you are.

I can see both sides of this...as I'm sure you can. Being in leadership, there will be the typical "why" questions from others if you choose to step down. If you stay in leadership, you need to be prepared for the attack from the enemy accusing you of hypocrisy. If you choose to leave, more "why" and "how come" questions and additional spiritual attacks trying to cause you to don't your decision.

And your wife will also be the target of questions and attacks. Just be careful for her sake. My advice, for what it's worth, is to have a very serious talk with your wife about this. Pastors and Elders are good to ask, but the brunt of any decision you make will be borne by your wife. As Christ loves the Church, your first and foremost care must be for what will happen to your wife. If you and she agree on the decisions (100%, not just passively whatever), you will be able to stand against any attack, your marriage will survive and flourish, and your future children will be ok. If you're not together, you stand a chance on losing everything.

192281 · #16 02-10-2010, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HRea

There are souls that hang in the balance and your decisions are not only very difficult ones to make but will have impact on those who are less spiritually and naturally mature than you are.

I can see both sides of this...as I'm sure you can. Being in leadership, there will be the typical "why" questions from others if you choose to step down. If you stay in leadership, you need to be prepared for the attack from the enemy accusing you of hypocrisy. If you choose to leave, more "why" and "how come" questions and additional spiritual attacks trying to cause you to don't your decision.

And your wife will also be the target of questions and attacks. Just be careful for her sake. My advice, for what it's worth, is to have a very serious talk with your wife about this. Pastors and Elders are good to ask, but the brunt of any decision you make will be borne by your wife. As Christ loves the Church, your first and foremost care must be for what will happen to your wife. If you and she agree on the decisions (100%, not just passively whatever), you will be able to stand against any attack, your marriage will survive and flourish, and your future children will be ok. If you're not together, you stand a chance on losing everything.

thanks for the advice.
Maybe more than anythign I just needed to talk a bit about it..
I wouldnt go anywhere with out her and Im willing to stay put if thats what she completely wants. PRAY PRAY PRAY..guess thats all that can be done.

scotty · #17 02-10-2010, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HRea

There are souls that hang in the balance and your decisions are not only very difficult ones to make but will have impact on those who are less spiritually and naturally mature than you are.

I can see both sides of this...as I'm sure you can. Being in leadership, there will be the typical "why" questions from others if you choose to step down. If you stay in leadership, you need to be prepared for the attack from the enemy accusing you of hypocrisy. If you choose to leave, more "why" and "how come" questions and additional spiritual attacks trying to cause you to don't your decision.

And your wife will also be the target of questions and attacks. Just be careful for her sake. My advice, for what it's worth, is to have a very serious talk with your wife about this. Pastors and Elders are good to ask, but the brunt of any decision you make will be borne by your wife. As Christ loves the Church, your first and foremost care must be for what will happen to your wife. If you and she agree on the decisions (100%, not just passively whatever), you will be able to stand against any attack, your marriage will survive and flourish, and your future children will be ok. If you're not together, you stand a chance on losing everything.

Great post. A house divided can not stand.

Timmy · #18 02-10-2010, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

Many of us here are either in the exact same place you are in, or have been in that place in the past.

There is no easy answer to this question. All that you can do is pray for God to give you clear direction. Pray for God to either give you peace to stay where you are, or to continue troubling your spirit until you know clearly that it's time to leave. Pray for God to give your wife peace in this area, too.

There really is no easy answer. I wish there was.

I know an easy answer!

(J/K. I know from experience, it's a tough situation to be in.)

TJJJ · #19 02-10-2010, 03:32 PM

Sheep among wolves! LOL

MawMaw · #20 02-10-2010, 04:48 PM

Can I ask something?

If you do choose to find and attend another church that is less rigid with "standards" (seems that's what I'm reading you're looking for?) and then your wife begins to give up all her semblances of any holiness standards that she was formerly used to.......are you absolutely sure that you are going to be okay with that?

It will happen. She will look at all the "new" styles of the new church and may resist at first, but she will give in eventually. You may like the change, but then again, you may be very disappointed in the long run.

I've seen many instances as I'm sure others have. Some were glad of the changes, others lived to regret them.

My advice is to do what most have said and be upfront with your pastor and then sincerely pray and fast about it all before you decide anything.

Praying for you and your wife.