Not Just A Mom

[ILG]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Jeff and I married when I was only 18, and I got pregnant with Hannah just 3 months later and in my first semester of college (completely unplanned). I dropped out and I have to admit that I resented that whole situation for some time. Jeff was also young and immature as a husband, and had no idea how to support me through that

Just an FYI, I completely understand that. I was married at 19 and got pregnant 3 months later! My husband was 18 and not the epitome of mature. (understatement). For me, add to that that I just moved 800 miles away from home and got into the UPC, something my parents did not understand at all. I had no support from anyone, anywhere. It was really tough.

Additionally, FCF, NFCF and AFF have also helped, because they have allowed me to explore scripture in an intellectual way and truly put my brain to work.

I immersed myself in UPC literature for intellectual pursuits and then when the internet came out, I really delved into what I had wanted all along.....iron sharpening iron, something I could not find in my home church (for nine years!). Before that, I taught Bible studies all the time....the accepted approach to exposing myself to people's ideas.

I also stopped verbally defining myself as our "church music director" because I knew I was sometimes using that as my "cover story."

I was the co-pastor for 10 years but never called myself that. It was what my husband called me, and put on the sign. I never realized that as a conservative Christian mother and wife that I actually had a career......until we left, and there was this huge gaping hole. Because I just defined myself and a wife and mother. But in reality, I worked very hard all the time for the church. (And got paid nothing and it wasn't worth much on a resume when we left either.)

I'm often shocked at the lack of gentleness, patience and long-suffering when it comes to parenting the "Christian" way. We are to be as Christ-like in how we deal with our children as we are with our neighbors. This thread isn't about discipline, though, so I'll move on.

I wish I had been a better mother....much more gentle. My pastor said we were supposed to spank our kids and so I did....I should have been more gentle.

You seem like such a good Mom, Miss B.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I wanted to respond before I read the whole thread, since I always want to give my fresh perspective before I read everyone else's input. Then I read the thread....LOL!!!! This thread is DEVOVED to palindromes instead of your experiences as a MOM, and of course one TENET of good motherhood is appreciating language arts and enforcing good grammar. May the SAGAS continue.

Harah harah harah!!

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Hey, Sasha brought it up first and we felt encouraged to share our war wounds. ILG was a "wanna-be" prisoner.

toot! toot!

Hey, don't be blaming me when I wasn't around!!!

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!

[ILG]

I'm gonna have to start cutting and pasting online, because I can't think of anymore on my own. My own my own palindrome palindrome, my own my own palindrome.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Sasha

Hey, don't be blaming me when I wasn't around!!!

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!

WUT?! A man had a plan to incarcerate you at the Panama Canal? Stay away from there, the Chinese have the contract on it now.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by ILG

I'm gonna have to start cutting and pasting online, because I can't think of anymore on my own. My own my own palindrome palindrome, my own my own palindrome.

At first I thought you were talking about Sarah Palin.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by ILG

Just an FYI, I completely understand that. I was married at 19 and got pregnant 3 months later! My husband was 18 and not the epitome of mature. (understatement). For me, add to that that I just moved 800 miles away from home and got into the UPC, something my parents did not understand at all. I had no support from anyone, anywhere. It was really tough.


I immersed myself in UPC literature for intellectual pursuits and then when the internet came out, I really delved into what I had wanted all along.....iron sharpening iron, something I could not find in my home church (for nine years!). Before that, I taught Bible studies all the time....the accepted approach to exposing myself to people's ideas.



I was the co-pastor for 10 years but never called myself that. It was what my husband called me, and put on the sign. I never realized that as a conservative Christian mother and wife that I actually had a career......until we left, and there was this huge gaping hole. Because I just defined myself and a wife and mother. But in reality, I worked very hard all the time for the church. (And got paid nothing and it wasn't worth much on a resume when we left either.)



I wish I had been a better mother....much more gentle. My pastor said we were supposed to spank our kids and so I did....I should have been more gentle.

You seem like such a good Mom, Miss B.

I got married at 29, my husband was 34. Set in our ways. I wanted to leave him every day for a long time. He calmed down after I quit working. He always wants all the attention, not even liking my dog when I had it. Sometimes I feel like his maid. That's my little resentment that rears it head every once in a while.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

I got married at 29, my husband was 34. Set in our ways. I wanted to leave him every day for a long time. He calmed down after I quit working. He always wants all the attention, not even liking my dog when I had it. Sometimes I feel like his maid. That's my little resentment that rears it head every once in a while.

Yup, marriage is hard work, no doubt about it. My husband wants all my attention too. Don't know if that's a male thing or what.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by ILG

Yup, marriage is hard work, no doubt about it. My husband wants all my attention too. Don't know if that's a male thing or what.

Now I know why my mother never remarried.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by ILG

...I wish I had been a better mother....much more gentle. My pastor said we were supposed to spank our kids and so I did....I should have been more gentle.

You seem like such a good Mom, Miss B.

In the beginning, we were spankers, too, because that's what we had been told we should do. However, neither of us felt comfortable with it, and the more we read (and the more scripture we read), the more we moved away from it. I wish I could go back and reparent Hannah (the oldest...palindrome!!! ), because we started the gentler approach when she was around 4. The poor oldest children...they always suffer the inexperienced parents.

I have not been a perfect Mom. I have a temper (fortunately not a quick one, though) and a sharp tongue. If I could change anything, it would be to withdraw sharp, angry, hurtful words. Thankfully, most of those were limited to my early years as a mother (But not all! I had to apologize to my whole family about a month ago for something I mumbled under my breath in a moment of frustration and stress), but those words are still what I most regret. One of the things I admired about my mother is that she never yelled at me--or my Dad. (With the exception of when she thought I was in danger.) I have spent 19+ years WORKING on that in myself, because when I'm angry, I raise my voice or yell. It's the one thing that makes me angriest with myself and the one thing I've had to apologize for repeatedly. I've learned coping mechanisms for when I'm mad, and I've learned to retreat and let myself cool off before I respond.

The best trait I have is probably a sense of humor. I'm more inclined to laugh in any given situation than I am to cry or get mad.