For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Michlow

I also think that part of it, at least in my case, is that we can appear defensive or angry or bitter, simply because we spend so much time trying to justify our right to our emotions.

We are constantly admonished to get over it, to forgive, to let it go, to not be angry, etc. I get so frustrated by always being made to feel that my emotions, my thoughts, my experiences are not valid. I don't think those who have not experienced abuse can understand what it is like to be made to feel like you must somehow prove your right to be struggling, to having negative emotions, and doubts.

Maybe its so hard, because that is EXACTLY what we were made to feel during the abuse. That we had no right to question! No right to feel negatively towards what was expected of us. That the situation wasn't the problem. WE were!

And then, when we finally start to deconstruct the dysfuction around us, well meaning people come along and in trying to help, simply make it more difficult.

You said a mouthful here, Michlow! You are right on. Most people who defend the abuse rather than the victim don't realize that they are not even allowing the person their own very valid feelings. But then, that is exactly what the spritually abusive do. So, the only answer is to know the truth and not respect the instructions of those who say your feelings are not valid.