Living Arrangements

[ILG]

I know you're being facetious, but surely you don't think I feel that men are too weak to be moral? Do you agree that we shouldn't lead men on? Not because I will be at fault if he misbehaves, but because it is disingenuous and inconsiderate on MY part.

I think perhaps the man in a given relationship needs to draw the lines at what he is comfortable with and the woman should not cross these boundaries. This may be a different line in different relationships. I think it is too narrow a statement to say that any woman in any pre-marriage relationship should never allow a man to put his arm around her on a couch watching a movie because he is too sexual and can't take it.

Obviously I understand the concept of nonsexual affection, Emma. Rhoni is talking about a man she is presumably attracted to and/or in love with (HER definition of "lover"), so I would reasonably assume that neck nuzzling is or could easily become sexual.

In that respect, I think it unfair to play sexually with a man, call it "cuddling", and then act like he's at fault if he gets turned on. Understanding of course, that what is "affectionate" for a woman can be "sexual" for a man.

Aren't these rudimentary concepts?

They are pretty rudimentary with the exception of the fact that I find too much blame placed on women for being a "tease" and not enough responsibility on men to control themselves and draw boundary lines. If women know men are sexual and shouldn't be a "tease", men also know women can be affectionate without meaning to be sexual and don't always intend to "tease". This is also rudimentary knowledge. Perhaps I am looking for a better balanced approach for both men and women. If Rhoni finds herself a guy who wants to sit with his arm around her on a couch before marriage and he thinks he can handle that, that's his business and Rhoni's. I'm not going to over-sexualize that. On the flip-side, for young people and teens, warnings need to be sounded. Don't do what you can't handle.