Divorce in the church

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

No ... I really appreciate your perspective, DizzyDe.

Other than the slew of other issues that come with becoming a blended family w/ someone else ...

I worry about confusing my kids if I got re-married.

Yet, I want them to value marriage .... Its hard right now for them to do so ... not seeing a model to identify w/.

I have a lot of the same concerns. I'd like them to have a *Christian* marriage to look at. Their daddy is remarried, and they have 2 half siblings already there. I figure no man w/o kids would really be willing to take on 4 more. Oh there's that too..I have FOUR kids. Are there really any men out there who'd take on 4 kids that aren't theirs? But ok, so if there is he probably has kids already. Now we're talking a 2nd ex in the picture (probably) and half siblings and blending a household somehow. Then what if there come along more kids later? Not that I'm really thinking that sounds like a good idea, but things happen. It all makes my head hurt.

That's where I start feeling like a really big failure. I married for life, to a person who married for life, so we could have kids and raise them in an intact home. Each child was conceived with that promise, and my kids still lost out.

[SDG]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

I have a lot of the same concerns. I'd like them to have a *Christian* marriage to look at. Their daddy is remarried, and they have 2 half siblings already there. I figure no man w/o kids would really be willing to take on 4 more. Oh there's that too..I have FOUR kids. Are there really any men out there who'd take on 4 kids that aren't theres? But ok, so if there is he probably has kids already. Now we're talking a 2nd ex in the picture (probably) and half siblings and blending a household somehow. Then what if there come along more kids later? Not that I'm really thinking that sounds like a good idea, but things happen. It all makes my head hurt.

That's where I start feeling like a really big failure. I married for life, to a person who married for life, so we could have kids and raise them in an intact home. Each child was conceived with that promise, and my kids still lost out.

Yep. I can relate. Just a mess.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

Yep. I can relate. Just a mess.

My Dad's 3rd wife had 4 boys. It was my sister and I there every other weekend and six weeks in the summer.

It was a mess but for about 6 yrs they worked through it well. They were Baptists and they got it done even forcing us to church on Sunday Mornings.

I still call her "Mom" and I still visit her.

It can be done.

[SDG]

Thank you Dizzy and Boom for your posts ....

Nahkoe and Ron too.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

Thank you Dizzy and Boom for your posts ....

Nahkoe and Ron too.

Divorced children will close up and will never trust the way children from other families will. I have idiosyncries (sp?) that I battle simply due to the breakup of my parents. I have identified some of them and overcome some. I still do not trust others very openly.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Divorced children will close up and will never trust the way children from other families will. I have idiosyncries (sp?) that I battle simply due to the breakup of my parents. I have identified some of them and overcome some. I still do not trust others very openly.

Oh we just had to go there didn't we!?

I grew up in a divorced home. I struggled with trusting God in my past. I am now a divorced woman, and I simply can not trust God. I am struggling with this like nothing I knew was possible. Love? You've got to be kidding me...love=hurt.

And gee thanks for the vote of confidence in raising kids. lol I know that's not what you meant, but punch in the gut again. I know what struggles my kids face and it makes me so sad. I wish I could make everything all better for them, but I can't.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

Oh we just had to go there didn't we!?

I grew up in a divorced home. I struggled with trusting God in my past. I am now a divorced woman, and I simply can not trust God. I am struggling with this like nothing I knew was possible. Love? You've got to be kidding me...love=hurt.

And gee thanks for the vote of confidence in raising kids. lol I know that's not what you meant, but punch in the gut again. I know what struggles my kids face and it makes me so sad. I wish I could make everything all better for them, but I can't.

I did not mean this as a punch in the gut at all.

I speak for myself and thought I would add another side.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

Oh we just had to go there didn't we!?

I grew up in a divorced home. I struggled with trusting God in my past. I am now a divorced woman, and I simply can not trust God. I am struggling with this like nothing I knew was possible. Love? You've got to be kidding me...love=hurt.

And gee thanks for the vote of confidence in raising kids. lol I know that's not what you meant, but punch in the gut again. I know what struggles my kids face and it makes me so sad. I wish I could make everything all better for them, but I can't.

Nahkoe,

As much as you'd like to protect your children from the effects of divorce - it is not possible. Unfortunately these things are transgenerational and get handed down from generation to generation. I thought I'd break the curse for my family and I fell right into the same traps. My children also think things will be different for them. I hope it is so but it will only be because they make very effort to nurture and preserve the marriage.

God did not cause the divorce and he is not the one who hurt you. You can trust him to be there with you through all the '........' and after it is buried. God wants the best for you and you need to remind yourself of that.

Blessings, Rhoni