Divorce - Adultery Thread

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

I agree with most of your post. The highlighted part - I do not. If you were a woman and went through your husband's stuff and found that he had been looking at internet pornography or if you found hidden porn magazines, there is no way not to overreact. If a man is a true Christian, he wouldn't be looking at online porn nor would he be hiding porn magazines. Plus, if it is something that has been going on for years, and the wife/husband finds out after years of marriage, it's not so easy for the offended spouse to just talk about it and pray together. I know because this just happened to one of my best friends. She had no idea that her husband had been pulling up porn on the computer. He got careless one day and forgot to clear out the history.

I believe it was a study performed by Bro. Ensey in a Pentecostal Herald, but the study revealed that nearly 2 out of every 5 licensed ministers have struggles or have struggled with pornography. It's far more prevalent than you might imagine. The more I work with men in church the more I discover that this temptation is something like a leprosy among us. You have to understand, these are good men who love their wives and families. They are struggling with their flesh. You might also find it surprising but it's not just men struggling either. More and more women are admitting to having had struggles in this area too. These are good people, all love the Lord and their spouses...they are struggling with their flesh. They already feel more condemned than you might ever know. What they need is someone to love them unconditionally and who will seek to understand and pray with them, allowing them to pour their hearts out and get the pain out of their souls over this sin.

I know of a few couples who have had to deal with this. In one of them there was a big falling out, words said, yelling, screaming, and even a physical shoving match. The husband left the house and she told all his friends and her friends about his sin. It destroyed his ministry and they're divorced today. In another couple the wife discovered her husband's struggle in this area and one day approached him at the table asking if they could talk. She opened by expressing how much she loved and respected him for being a good husband and a wonderful father. She then calmly explained that she discovered something on the computer. He was defensive at first but she assured him that she still loved him and told him that he didn't need to feel like he had to hide this from her because she loved him. He was so overwhelmed by her love and understanding he began to cry and she took him by the hand as he began to explain how difficult it is and how it's like he just can't control it and how he felt so ashamed and filthy afterwards. As he sobbed and explained to her how he was hurting inside...she held him. They prayed together and scheduled a private counseling session with a certified Christian counselor. He voluntarily stepped down from preaching for just over six months. They worked through the problem and today the man is faithfully ministering in the church. It was a private issue their family resolved and moved beyond and they are stronger and more open with each other for it.

I even know couples who have survived affairs.

This is something the enemy loves to see destroy a marriage. Don't let some picture of an airbrushed hussy ruin your marriage. Understand that good men have weaknesses and sometimes those weaknesses get the best of them. King David was a good man who also fell tragically into sexual sin. Yet he is still regarded as a man after God's own heart. And for generations after David's death God still moved on behalf of his servant David's sake. Husbands are often like King David. Powerful, passionate, and strong in conviction. But all it takes is one weak moment and like David he can fall. From a man's perspective (you might not agree with this sis and I could be wrong) but from a male perspective sometimes I think women have a very high standard for their husbands...so high...God forbid if he's human and struggles with a sin or weakness. So we men feel we have to hide it. We make a mistake or struggle and hate ourselves for it. And we are terrified. We don't want to loose your love. We don't want it to be discovered that we failed to live up to that high expectation put upon us. Sometimes it's worse...I heard a woman once say that she'd divorce her husband the day she found out he was looking at porn. Guess what...I looked at my wife after hearing that and said, "That's one man who's hiding a lot from his wife and she doesn't have a clue." I was right. Thank God it humbled them and didn't ruin them.

Don't let porn ruin a marriage. It can be overcome with grace and prayer.

If you're ever confronted with a situation like this try to remember this one suggestion...error on the side of mercy. If a wife or husband overreacts about these kinds of things things can be said and things can be done that will cause years of hurt and that cannot be taken back. Error on the side of mercy. It might save a marriage.