I have a similar situation with my mother. When it was apparent that mother could no longer live by herself because of worsening Parkinson's disease, my sister offered for mom to live with her family.
It worked for awhile, but soon became apparent that mom's needs required professional help. To make a long story short, mom agreed to live in an assisted living complex.
Now the problem! The complex called me the other day and told me they will give a 30 day notice for mom to move out, if mom falls one more time! You see, mom is pretty much relegated to a wheel chair, but she thinks she can do things that only require a few steps. (e.g. getting the Kleenex off the dresser )
If they kick her out, the only recourse left is a nursing home! None of the kid's homes is wheelchair friendly. (e.g. In my home, all of the bedrooms are upstairs)
More than being wheelchair friendly is the 24/7 need to have people around her that have the skills to meet her needs. All of us work, and our spouses also work.
There is something about that generation that thinks being put in a nursing home is like being put out to pasture as far as the family is concerned. Me? I don't want my children to have to sacrifice their time with their family and extend extra effort just to meet my needs when I get where I need professional help to get by. (spoon feed, bathe, change clothes, clean up, administer medicine, etc.)
I know that such effort can be extremely stressful on a marriage!
Don't get me wrong! I will want family to visit or call on a regular basis!
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I have a similar situation with my mother. When it was apparent that mother could no longer live by herself because of worsening Parkinson's disease, my sister offered for mom to live with her family.
It worked for awhile, but soon became apparent that mom's needs required professional help. To make a long story short, mom agreed to live in an assisted living complex.
Now the problem! The complex called me the other day and told me they will give a 30 day notice for mom to move out, if mom falls one more time! You see, mom is pretty much relegated to a wheel chair, but she thinks she can do things that only require a few steps. (e.g. getting the Kleenex off the dresser )
If they kick her out, the only recourse left is a nursing home! None of the kid's homes is wheelchair friendly. (e.g. In my home, all of the bedrooms are upstairs)
More than being wheelchair friendly is the 24/7 need to have people around her that have the skills to meet her needs. All of us work, and our spouses also work.
There is something about that generation that thinks being put in a nursing home is like being put out to pasture as far as the family is concerned. Me? I don't want my children to have to sacrifice their time with their family and extend extra effort just to meet my needs when I get where I need professional help to get by. (spoon feed, bathe, change clothes, clean up, administer medicine, etc.)
I know that such effort can be extremely stressful on a marriage!
Don't get me wrong! I will want family to visit or call on a regular basis!
PM, nursing homes when your mom was your age was NOT a place to put your parents unless you hated their guts. They were filthy, smelled horrible, and people went there to die and did so rather quickly. I know this because I worked at them. The difference from then and today is like east from west.
Today, nursing homes are turning into rehab centers. They are clean with homelike atmospheres. There are constant activities and the state keeps them in line with hefty fines for neglect and such.
If you have to go this route, check out nursing home options. They are required to make available to you their last state survey results. Don't let their violations scare you, as most are pretty petty things. See if they've been fined for a neglect issue, wrongful death, and other such pertinent info and their plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. That info will be in the survey.
Present your mom with the info when you find a nice facility for her. Also check to see if she can get a private room with her insurance, if she desires. Nursing homes are pretty good at comparing personalities of roommates also so she won't be in the same room as someone who moans and cries all night.
If I can help you further, let me know. I don't know nursing homes in TN, but I hope they have changed also.
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PM, nursing homes when your mom was your age was NOT a place to put your parents unless you hated their guts. They were filthy, smelled horrible, and people went there to die and did so rather quickly. I know this because I worked at them. The difference from then and today is like east from west.
Today, nursing homes are turning into rehab centers. They are clean with homelike atmospheres. There are constant activities and the state keeps them in line with hefty fines for neglect and such.
If you have to go this route, check out nursing home options. They are required to make available to you their last state survey results. Don't let their violations scare you, as most are pretty petty things. See if they've been fined for a neglect issue, wrongful death, and other such pertinent info and their plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. That info will be in the survey.
Present your mom with the info when you find a nice facility for her. Also check to see if she can get a private room with her insurance, if she desires. Nursing homes are pretty good at comparing personalities of roommates also so she won't be in the same room as someone who moans and cries all night.
If I can help you further, let me know. I don't know nursing homes in TN, but I hope they have changed also.
I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread, but thank you for your info and willingness to give advice when needed!
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Can I add to what HeavenlyOne shared with you? I'm talking from another side of the coin you understand. Walt had to spend that time in the rehab nursing home after his aneurysm.
Start doing your research NOW. Check out the facilities very, very thoroughly. Go at different times of the day and different days of the week. Just observe. Check out things like: if they have a calendar up with activities scheduled on it, check to make sure that those activities are actually taking place and that they are being offered to anyone who can participate; how often do the residents get to take a shower; if they want to sleep in, is that allowed; if they are night-owls and want to stay up to the middle of the night, is there a place that they can do that without disturbing roommates; if your mom is not incontinent, will she still have to be disturbed in the middle of the night when they check on her roommate; pay the extra to eat a few meals there to what the food is like; how often does a doctor come; when someone rings the call bell, how long before it is answered - this is extremely important!! The last day Walt was at Heartland, they brought him back from PT, put him in his room. He said he felt sick, so they handed him a basin and walked out. He started feeling worse and worse, so put his call light on. When I walked in, it was still going off. As soon as I walked past the nurses station, someone got up to run to his room, but he told me it had been several minutes already. They got there and he was ashen colored, clammy and sweating. They had to call 911 and get him into a hospital immediately!! That's why I say how important it is that they check immediately when a call light goes off.
Don't wait until your mom is ready for a nursing home before you start checking tho because you will under tremendous pressure at that point. Start looking now.
That's just my take on things from my perspective. Best wishes and lotsa prayers, brothers. Both of you
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Can I add to what HeavenlyOne shared with you? I'm talking from another side of the coin you understand. Walt had to spend that time in the rehab nursing home after his aneurysm.
Start doing your research NOW. Check out the facilities very, very thoroughly. Go at different times of the day and different days of the week. Just observe. Check out things like: if they have a calendar up with activities scheduled on it, check to make sure that those activities are actually taking place and that they are being offered to anyone who can participate; how often do the residents get to take a shower; if they want to sleep in, is that allowed; if they are night-owls and want to stay up to the middle of the night, is there a place that they can do that without disturbing roommates; if your mom is not incontinent, will she still have to be disturbed in the middle of the night when they check on her roommate; pay the extra to eat a few meals there to what the food is like; how often does a doctor come; when someone rings the call bell, how long before it is answered - this is extremely important!! The last day Walt was at Heartland, they brought him back from PT, put him in his room. He said he felt sick, so they handed him a basin and walked out. He started feeling worse and worse, so put his call light on. When I walked in, it was still going off. As soon as I walked past the nurses station, someone got up to run to his room, but he told me it had been several minutes already. They got there and he was ashen colored, clammy and sweating. They had to call 911 and get him into a hospital immediately!! That's why I say how important it is that they check immediately when a call light goes off.
Don't wait until your mom is ready for a nursing home before you start checking tho because you will under tremendous pressure at that point. Start looking now.
That's just my take on things from my perspective. Best wishes and lotsa prayers, brothers. Both of you
Thanks, Margie! We are starting to investigate nursing homes. She needs to decide where she wants to live though. Does she want to stay in the Nashville area where she's close to me and one of my brothers, or does she want to move to Jackson, TN where my older sister lives? As of today, she can't make up her mind!
I visit her regularly every Wednesday night after I get off work. I buy all of her needed supplies, and I got her a cellphone on a lanyard so she can make all of the long distance calls she pleases! We talk on the phone almost every day.
__________________ Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough.
Can I add to what HeavenlyOne shared with you? I'm talking from another side of the coin you understand. Walt had to spend that time in the rehab nursing home after his aneurysm.
Start doing your research NOW. Check out the facilities very, very thoroughly. Go at different times of the day and different days of the week. Just observe. Check out things like: if they have a calendar up with activities scheduled on it, check to make sure that those activities are actually taking place and that they are being offered to anyone who can participate; how often do the residents get to take a shower; if they want to sleep in, is that allowed; if they are night-owls and want to stay up to the middle of the night, is there a place that they can do that without disturbing roommates; if your mom is not incontinent, will she still have to be disturbed in the middle of the night when they check on her roommate; pay the extra to eat a few meals there to what the food is like; how often does a doctor come; when someone rings the call bell, how long before it is answered - this is extremely important!! The last day Walt was at Heartland, they brought him back from PT, put him in his room. He said he felt sick, so they handed him a basin and walked out. He started feeling worse and worse, so put his call light on. When I walked in, it was still going off. As soon as I walked past the nurses station, someone got up to run to his room, but he told me it had been several minutes already. They got there and he was ashen colored, clammy and sweating. They had to call 911 and get him into a hospital immediately!! That's why I say how important it is that they check immediately when a call light goes off.
Don't wait until your mom is ready for a nursing home before you start checking tho because you will under tremendous pressure at that point. Start looking now.
That's just my take on things from my perspective. Best wishes and lotsa prayers, brothers. Both of you
Excellent advice. Also, in the lobby, often there are people there visiting their families and even just residents gathered for an activity of their own or socializing. Ask them how they feel about the place, especially the visitors. Sometimes you can talk to an old woman and she may seem all there but really isn't....LOL!
Good luck, PM.
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