Jax, this is another example of how we are all so caught up in our own lives that we fail to remember that everyone around us is also going thru tough times. I know this is hard for you. I understand how you have to feel so torn every day about what you can or should be doing. I'm sure that your sister appreciates your "heart" in this.
My experience in working with Alzheimer's patients in the past in the nursing homes and then having been the primary caregiver for my friend for 4 years is that Alzheimer's people function MUCH better when their lives are not disrupted. They thrive on familiar. That includes familiar caregivers. They may not recognize these caregivers or even know their names. But they respond to them better than they do to a new person coming in. So, as hard as it is for your sister, the situation she is in is probably the best for your mom. Maybe the thing that you can do that will be the most help for your sister would be for you to offer her and her family as much support as you can possibly give her.
Some suggestions: (and take them all at face value. They're ONLY suggestions)
* You and your brothers could pay for an alarm system to be installed in your sister's home so that she could get a good night's sleep without having to worry about whether your mom is up and wandering out the door.
* Offer to pay for someone to come in at least once or twice a week in the evening so your sister can get out and do what SHE wants to do. You said she has someone during the day, right? I assume your sister is working a job and that's why she needs the daycare?
* Have your sister's kids come out to visit you and your family for a week or two. That in itself might give your sister a big break.
* Even if you don't do anything else, at the very least, send your sister flowers or candy or something every once in a while just to tell her how much you appreciate the sacrifice she is making to take such good care of Mom. Let her know that you are grateful. That in itself will go a long way.
You may not be able to do alot for your mom right now. But do what you can for your sister to make HER life easier. The more you do for your sister, the more your MOM will benefit
I'll be praying for you, brother. I understand. Really, I do. Alzheimer's a CRUEL disease.
Very good suggestions. I'd be sure everyone did their part to help your sister out as much as possible. Especially paying someone to come stay so that your sister can get out in the evenings quite a bit.
It takes more than a year when you move to another church. transplanting is traumatic plus the care of your mother. But it can be done; and you didnt say if she is saved. Prayer can bring deliverance for her. Her condition is not irreversible.
It takes more than a year when you move to another church. transplanting is traumatic plus the care of your mother. But it can be done; and you didnt say if she is saved. Prayer can bring deliverance for her. Her condition is not irreversible.
Now there is a question for you.
My mother has served God her entire life. Baptized and HG filled by the age of 8. If the Bible teaches that we are promised a sound mind then why are saved people coming down with this horrible disease?
My mother has served God her entire life. Baptized and HG filled by the age of 8. If the Bible teaches that we are promised a sound mind then why are saved people coming down with this horrible disease?
We just have to trust brother. I know it must be hard. Bottom line is if she dies saved.. thats what its all about. I'll be praying for you and your family. We'll understand it better by and by.
__________________
There is a conspiracy of silence in the land.
My mother has served God her entire life. Baptized and HG filled by the age of 8. If the Bible teaches that we are promised a sound mind then why are saved people coming down with this horrible disease?
The Bible doesn't promise us a sound mind. There is only one verse that even mentions a sound mind and it's in reference to fear not being of God.
'Sound mind' is defined as:
1. an admonishing or calling to soundness of mind, to moderation and self-control
2. self-control, moderation
This doesn't include the absence of disease or illness.
But I do sympathize with you and your family. Caring for someone with this disease isn't easy. Keeping you and your family in prayer.
__________________
I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
I have a similar situation with my mother. When it was apparent that mother could no longer live by herself because of worsening Parkinson's disease, my sister offered for mom to live with her family.
It worked for awhile, but soon became apparent that mom's needs required professional help. To make a long story short, mom agreed to live in an assisted living complex.
Now the problem! The complex called me the other day and told me they will give a 30 day notice for mom to move out, if mom falls one more time! You see, mom is pretty much relegated to a wheel chair, but she thinks she can do things that only require a few steps. (e.g. getting the Kleenex off the dresser )
If they kick her out, the only recourse left is a nursing home! None of the kid's homes is wheelchair friendly. (e.g. In my home, all of the bedrooms are upstairs)
More than being wheelchair friendly is the 24/7 need to have people around her that have the skills to meet her needs. All of us work, and our spouses also work.
There is something about that generation that thinks being put in a nursing home is like being put out to pasture as far as the family is concerned. Me? I don't want my children to have to sacrifice their time with their family and extend extra effort just to meet my needs when I get where I need professional help to get by. (spoon feed, bathe, change clothes, clean up, administer medicine, etc.)
I know that such effort can be extremely stressful on a marriage!
Don't get me wrong! I will want family to visit or call on a regular basis!
__________________ Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough.
I have a similar situation with my mother. When it was apparent that mother could no longer live by herself because of worsening Parkinson's disease, my sister offered for mom to live with her family.
It worked for awhile, but soon became apparent that mom's needs required professional help. To make a long story short, mom agreed to live in an assisted living complex.
Now the problem! The complex called me the other day and told me they will give a 30 day notice for mom to move out, if mom falls one more time! You see, mom is pretty much relegated to a wheel chair, but she thinks she can do things that only require a few steps. (e.g. getting the Kleenex off the dresser )
If they kick her out, the only recourse left is a nursing home! None of the kid's homes is wheelchair friendly. (e.g. In my home, all of the bedrooms are upstairs)
More than being wheelchair friendly is the 24/7 need to have people around her that have the skills to meet her needs. All of us work, and our spouses also work.
There is something about that generation that thinks being put in a nursing home is like being put out to pasture as far as the family is concerned. Me? I don't want my children to have to sacrifice their time with their family and extend extra effort just to meet my needs when I get where I need professional help to get by. (spoon feed, bathe, change clothes, clean up, administer medicine, etc.)
I know that such effort can be extremely stressful on a marriage!
Don't get me wrong! I will want family to visit or call on a regular basis!
PM, nursing homes when your mom was your age was NOT a place to put your parents unless you hated their guts. They were filthy, smelled horrible, and people went there to die and did so rather quickly. I know this because I worked at them. The difference from then and today is like east from west.
Today, nursing homes are turning into rehab centers. They are clean with homelike atmospheres. There are constant activities and the state keeps them in line with hefty fines for neglect and such.
If you have to go this route, check out nursing home options. They are required to make available to you their last state survey results. Don't let their violations scare you, as most are pretty petty things. See if they've been fined for a neglect issue, wrongful death, and other such pertinent info and their plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. That info will be in the survey.
Present your mom with the info when you find a nice facility for her. Also check to see if she can get a private room with her insurance, if she desires. Nursing homes are pretty good at comparing personalities of roommates also so she won't be in the same room as someone who moans and cries all night.
If I can help you further, let me know. I don't know nursing homes in TN, but I hope they have changed also.
__________________
I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
PM, nursing homes when your mom was your age was NOT a place to put your parents unless you hated their guts. They were filthy, smelled horrible, and people went there to die and did so rather quickly. I know this because I worked at them. The difference from then and today is like east from west.
Today, nursing homes are turning into rehab centers. They are clean with homelike atmospheres. There are constant activities and the state keeps them in line with hefty fines for neglect and such.
If you have to go this route, check out nursing home options. They are required to make available to you their last state survey results. Don't let their violations scare you, as most are pretty petty things. See if they've been fined for a neglect issue, wrongful death, and other such pertinent info and their plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. That info will be in the survey.
Present your mom with the info when you find a nice facility for her. Also check to see if she can get a private room with her insurance, if she desires. Nursing homes are pretty good at comparing personalities of roommates also so she won't be in the same room as someone who moans and cries all night.
If I can help you further, let me know. I don't know nursing homes in TN, but I hope they have changed also.
I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread, but thank you for your info and willingness to give advice when needed!
__________________ Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough.
Can I add to what HeavenlyOne shared with you? I'm talking from another side of the coin you understand. Walt had to spend that time in the rehab nursing home after his aneurysm.
Start doing your research NOW. Check out the facilities very, very thoroughly. Go at different times of the day and different days of the week. Just observe. Check out things like: if they have a calendar up with activities scheduled on it, check to make sure that those activities are actually taking place and that they are being offered to anyone who can participate; how often do the residents get to take a shower; if they want to sleep in, is that allowed; if they are night-owls and want to stay up to the middle of the night, is there a place that they can do that without disturbing roommates; if your mom is not incontinent, will she still have to be disturbed in the middle of the night when they check on her roommate; pay the extra to eat a few meals there to what the food is like; how often does a doctor come; when someone rings the call bell, how long before it is answered - this is extremely important!! The last day Walt was at Heartland, they brought him back from PT, put him in his room. He said he felt sick, so they handed him a basin and walked out. He started feeling worse and worse, so put his call light on. When I walked in, it was still going off. As soon as I walked past the nurses station, someone got up to run to his room, but he told me it had been several minutes already. They got there and he was ashen colored, clammy and sweating. They had to call 911 and get him into a hospital immediately!! That's why I say how important it is that they check immediately when a call light goes off.
Don't wait until your mom is ready for a nursing home before you start checking tho because you will under tremendous pressure at that point. Start looking now.
That's just my take on things from my perspective. Best wishes and lotsa prayers, brothers. Both of you
__________________
Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle ! ! ! !
Linear Mode
