The truth is that those who have not experienced it, do not understand the depths of damage that can be done in the mind.
Though I long ago let of any bitterness or anger that I held and freely forgave those who injured me, even I did not completely understand the effect those past experiences had on my spiritual life.
Firstly, and most importantly, I was taught a distorted view of God. Secondly I was shown a distorted view of authority. This distortion continued to encompass the church/body. These were all tied together with a manipulation and distortion of the Word.
So what was I left with? A fear of the ministry, a lack of trust in other believers, a dislike, fear, mistrust and feelings of confusion towards God and His word.
How do you just "get over" something like that? What tools does one use? All the sources one would normally turn to, have in the past been sources of abuse.
Perhaps it is different when one has been taught and nuturted in a healthy spiritual environment and then has a "bad experience", but when one is "born" into an abusive church it is not that easy to overcome. Then you are equipped with a defective filter. Even when you hear "truth" it is filtered through the distorted and twisted foundation that was first built.
I have been out of the bad environment for over 3 years and it has only been in the past month that I have begun to make progress. Because I have only now gotten a clear picture of Jesus. My view of Him was so distorted that there was no peace or joy in my walk, for I was serving a God that I despised, feared and had so much anger towards. I found Him capricious, arbitrarily cruel, demanding, domineering and a spiritual blackmailer.
(Anyone interested in reading about how that change, it is posted here:
http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...6&postcount=23 )
Now that I have rebuilt my foundation, I can begin to deal with the other things.
But to be honest, it's very much a two steps forward, one step back process. Especially when it comes to church, Pastors and the Bible. They were the things that were used to distort my image of God.
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