Quote:
Originally Posted by Dichotomy Girl
The psychology of what my brain during that time, is fascinating to me. Are you familiar with the term Cognitive Dissonance?
http://psychology.about.com/od/cogni...dissonance.htm
I often refer to my time as being in a Coma of sorts, because in order to fix the cognitive dissonance, I had to clamp down on parts of my mind and personality, and therefore fit in. |
I am familiar with the term... I have given a lot of thought to how I got rope-a-doped into the UPCI... and sadly my answer is I walked in to it eyes (at least partially) wide open.
I am from a very rough background... with tons of street smarts and other smarts as well... there was just no reason, except THE reason, that I should have wound up in a false religion. And THE reason was that I WANTED it to be true and I wanted it enough that I was willing to put aside so many other truths to make it so... and so I did.
I have paid for that in more ways than I care to describe. I am still paying for it in some ways but mostly now I am free. I take it out and walk it around here... Mostly because even now the romantic side of my church life still gets a hook in me sometimes and I want to never forget what it really was.
I think it's like the woman who leaves an abusive spouse and makes a new and productive life for herself but is still, in her heart of hearts, in love with the charming guy he was when he was not hurting her... Or the alcoholic who has a memory of the fun times while drinking and has to reminded himself of the damage and destruction.
I don't deny the good parts, I just have to keep a reality on what the cost for those really was and in my case it was stuffing down some of my most deeply held beliefs in order to conform and belong and no longer respecting myself because of it.
Threaded Mode
