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Before I left the UPC, I had a lot of anger and hurt over the things that I had experienced. I wasn't really made at any individual people, I just viewed them as products of their environment. But I was really very angry at God. I had come to view him as a cruel and capricious bully that was enjoyed stepping on us for sport. I got to the point where I believed that either God was this horrible person that I'd come to believe, or I had no earthly idea who He actually was. But I didn't really know how to fix it.
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What is funny is that my experience is nearly, if not completely, 180 degrees different from yours in that I left the UPC with NO anger toward God Himself. Where my anger did lie, was with the people and more importantly the system. To this day, I despise the pastor-centric form of church where the "man of gawd!" is the ring leader and all his minions play the part of mind numb robots. That doesn't mean I despise pastors as long as they realize where their authority ends and if/when they don't know where it ends, I've also unfortunately realized that most people are too ignorant to understand where it ends either and will blindly follow him, especially once the horror stories start flowing from the pulpit about someone who questioned the "man of gawd!" and was promptly struck down in some manner.
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