Divorce?

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by ILG

I think searching for the reason for the behavior is very important in this situation. If there is a biological reason for it, there should be compassion as working towards managing the behavior is instituted. And if his behavior has in the past gotten him a lot of shame it will be hard to break through that. There is no room for shame in a situation that is caused by a biological problem. Unfortunately, disengaging emotionally from the behavior and looking at it rationally and trying to work through it is the best approach in my opinion. Easier said than done though. Are there other family members who can lend support?

Yes, yes, I agree. It's definitely important to make sure there aren't any serious underlying mental health issues causing his behavior before taking any other action.

The end goal of whatever you do should be to preserve the marriage. Even temporary separation should be with the aim of resolution in mind, and should be a last resort. (Better, BroE? )

[BrotherEastman]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Rephrase?

Sure. The third option you mentioned in one of your previous post may suggest divorce which is the topic of this discussion. If a vow was made in marriage such as "In sickness and in health..., for better or worse... 'till death do you part...", then it would seem to me that the individual with the question of divorce would have no option trying to "strong arm" someone with separation just because they may be clinically sick with depression. I think that kind of strong arm may hurt the husband more than help him. JMHO =D

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by BrotherEastman

Sure. The third option you mentioned in one of your previous post may suggest divorce which is the topic of this discussion. If a vow was made in marriage such as "In sickness and in health..., for better or worse... 'till death do you part...", then it would seem to me that the individual with the question of divorce would have no option trying to "strong arm" someone with separation just because they may be clinically sick with depression. I think that kind of strong arm may hurt the husband more than help him. JMHO =D

No, divorce isn't what I meant by "third option." Divorce should be avoided at all costs. "Third option" refers to when you give someone a choice (read: ultimatum) and they choose their own "third option." E.g., calling your bluff and doing whatever they please.

In all seriousness, I would only recommend separation in a severe situation, and it does sound like some intervention is needed here. If there is a trusted friend or pastor or family member, they need to be brought in to try to help with the situation. However, if the husband refuses to go to counseling or seek any kind of outside help, what would you suggest?

[Jermyn Davidson]

Even if one isn't a Christian, as a matter of ethics, one doesn't divorce their spouse simply because the person is ill.

There just IS NOT a positive or Biblically sound way to spin this WHEN THE SPOUSE IS ILL.

[Jermyn Davidson]

Originally Posted by votivesoul

1 Corinthians 7:4,



While this primarily deals with "due benevolence", other aspects of the husband's body come into play, such as hygiene, when it affects the ability of the wife to so render.

So, in this, I say you have every right to demand he take care of himself. You can't force it, obviously, and if he is mentally ill, there isn't much else you can do on this end.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15,



Your husband, as you've relayed it, is now an unbeliever. And from what you've written, I don't think he is "pleased to dwell" with you.

After all, if he were pleased to dwell with you, he'd make some effort to contribute to the marriage in a meaningful way that made your life more enjoyable.

Since, apparently, he is not doing anything of the sort, I would call this a case of indirect abuse through abandonment of the vows he made to you when you married.

A man (or woman, even) doesn't have to be physically violent to be abusive. They don't have to yell or damage their spouse in any overt way. They just have to do things that hurt the recipient.

So this is what I say (and take it for what it's worth: a stranger on a message board giving an opinion):

He is abusing you psychologically and is not pleased to dwell with you. He is an unbeliever. He has not physically departed, but he's basically gone, nonetheless.

You are not under bondage, but are called to peace. You need not divorce the man. But I think you have the right, if everything you have shared is accurate, to leave.

You don't have the right to sign papers ending your marriage (unless or until marital infidelity can be proven), and so, you don't have the right to pursue a new life with a different man.

But you don't have to live in the squalor and destitution he has embraced and is forcing you to accept.

So, unless he is schizophrenic, or in desperate need of a mental hospital (meaning, he's just living this way out of his own choosing), then I would pack up and leave.

But before any of that, pray, fast, seek the Lord with all your heart, and hear from HIM first. And of course, as the Proverbs state, there is safety in the multitude of counselors. A local, Spirit-filled assembly led by anointed people of God can help much in this area.

When a person is suffering from depression, they often make poor choices and decisions. Depression causes that. Basically, you're advising someone to "leave" their spouse because their spouse has now become mentally ill.

Don't you see something wrong with this, at the most basic level-- regardless of how you dress it up?

[votivesoul]

Jermyn, there is no evidence, at this moment, which can convince anyone that he is mentally ill. All that exists right now is message board speculation from people who have no ability to diagnosis such conditions.

And for the record, I did not tell her to leave her husband because he is mentally ill.

Reread:

So, unless he is schizophrenic, or in desperate need of a mental hospital (meaning, he's just living this way out of his own choosing), then I would pack up and leave.

Which means that, if and only if he is simply living that way on purpose (as opposed to being mentally ill) then leaving is a viable option. But if he is sick, then that needs to be addressed and helped.

On a personal note, I lived for over 10 years with severe debilitating depression, requiring all sorts of meds and even hospitalization. I know what it's like to not be able to care for myself. I almost didn't survive.

And I can testify to this fact:

Depression such as this (or such as the husband in question may be suffering) is as much the result of unbelief and sin against God as it is about a brain chemical not doing a sufficient job of keeping a person healthy.

Her husband, even if he is mentally ill, needs JESUS more than a pill or a therapy session.

[BrotherEastman]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

No, divorce isn't what I meant by "third option." Divorce should be avoided at all costs. "Third option" refers to when you give someone a choice (read: ultimatum) and they choose their own "third option." E.g., calling your bluff and doing whatever they please.

In all seriousness, I would only recommend separation in a severe situation, and it does sound like some intervention is needed here. If there is a trusted friend or pastor or family member, they need to be brought in to try to help with the situation. However, if the husband refuses to go to counseling or seek any kind of outside help, what would you suggest?

I apologize for misinterpreting your post....please forgive me. As far as what I would suggest would be lots of prayer.

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

Even if one isn't a Christian, as a matter of ethics, one doesn't divorce their spouse simply because the person is ill.

There just IS NOT a positive or Biblically sound way to spin this WHEN THE SPOUSE IS ILL.

Yes there is, when the spouse is dangerous!!

[Jermyn Davidson]

Originally Posted by crakjak

Yes there is, when the spouse is dangerous!!

"Till death do us part, or until you try to kill me"-- yeah that's how it goes.

Really, in that case (which happens), the person needs to be hospitalized.

[Aquila]

A divorce might prove more emotionally exhausting and expensive than learning to cope and encouraging counseling until he is willing to finally go.