Obey Them that Rule???

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by Michlow

My first reaction is that I am VERY MUCH a rebel by nature, and I am sure that will shock no one reading this. My Mom and I were discussing last night the whole trust issue, especially in how it relates to God, and I started thinking, no wonder I can't trust anyone. Every example that I have had of authority has been bad. Especially male authority.

It goes back to what MOW was saying earlier. As soon as I see Male + Authority, my shackles come up immediately. Because I know that those two things together mean cruelty, manipulation, dictatorship, abuse, injustice, etc.

It's a little hard to just "get over it" like Coonskinner suggested. It's not like oh no, I had a bad experience, it's that I have never had a good experience. First in the world, and then in the church.

Originally Posted by Coonskinner

Mich,

I do not and did not intend to sound calloused or casual or to diminish your pain or bad experiences.

But the fact is that there is no way around it--we have to get over it.

I have had a series of bad experiences with authority figures, male ones, that would curl your hair.

I am not speaking of something I have not lived.

I have fought through long night vigils, wrestling in prayer against the beast of bitterness.

In fact, in a very recent example, my last pastor fell into moral sin and went charismatic. I would have laid down my life for him. I love him. I felt as if I would never be able to trust again.

Just a few months ago, the Lord spoke to me about the man He wanted to be my pastor. I was literally physically sick at the thought of speaking to him about it. He had given me no reason not to trust him, but because of my bad experiences, I was in a cold sweat of dread.

In fact, I humbled myself and swallowed my pride, and called his wife and confessed my fears. I could more easily trust her, you see, because she is a lady, and I have always been blessed by good women in my life. My Granny raised me, and I learned to trust women more than men.

She reassured me, and promised to pray for me, but it was still three more months before I had the conversation, and even then, it was divinely orchestrated.

So believe me, I know what it is to have trust issues.

But you still have to conquer them, regardless of how difficult or insurmountable it may seem.

I know what it's like to have trust issues, too. It's taken me the 38 years I've been alive to learn to (or allow myself - or make myself) trust Jesus. I, too, have had bad experiences with authority figures in my life - in and out of church; parents, step-parents, relatives, boss, teacher, a pastor, "friends". As a result, I couldn't trust Jesus either. Believe me, I tried!

But then I got to a place in my life where Jesus was the ONLY one I could trust. He was it. I finally discovered that Jesus is the only one who had my best interest at heart - always; despite what I could see from my skewed perception. HE was the only one who was always available, who always loved me, who I could always trust. My pain and fear drove me to Him. I had no choice. I felt alone - I felt betrayed. Those I trusted hurt me. Those I thought cared about me used me. What choice(s) in life did I have left??

Normally, I would have secluded myself, trusted no one, pushed everyone away, became angry - perhaps bitter; but for some reason... it was like it was suddenly clear to me -- I realized that I had JESUS! Since then, the hurt has lessened. And though I can't say that I have a lot of trust in people; I don't have that same fear anymore. Now I **KNOW** (heart-knowledge; not just head-knowledge) that Jesus is FOR me! It's a GREAT place to be - in that knowledge.

HE'S GOOD! Don't give up on trying to fully trust Him. My life's still not perfect. It probably never will be. But that's okay, as long as I have Jesus! Because, again, He's FOR me. He's for YOU as well! I pray that this FACT will become heart-knowledge for you, too.