I'm sure the husband probably thinks it's harmless and that his wife is overreacting. And she may be. But if it upsets her badly, he should refrain out of his love for her, at least until she is calmer and they can openly discuss options (ie a mutual account open to both of them for exes). And he should be aware, she may be more upset about the way she found out (online, accidentally, rather than him talking to her beforehand about it) than anything.
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What we make of the Bible will never be as great a thing as what the Bible will - if we let it - make of us.~Rich Mullins
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.~Galileo Galilei
To me it has never been about innocence or wrong doing. We have to protect our relationships with the person we made a vow. It is the appearance of wrong doing that we protect our relationships. We also do not know the heart or the motive of the person we are talking or engaging. Protecting my private and personal relationship with my wife is the foundation that everything else has been built.
Great post! I completely agree.
Whether anything inappropriate took place or not, if the conversation makes his wife upset or uncomfortable, the husband should be willing to discontinue it. Ultimately, his marriage is his most important relationship--or at least, it should be.
IF I asked my husband to stop talking to someone (I wouldn't do that without a good reason), and he refused, that would be very revealing about his mindset regarding our relationship. That would be more personally offensive than a slightly inappropriate comment or conversation, and it sounds like that might be the case in the scenario presented.
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"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
I'm sorry, but you can't remain friends with someone you have slept with before. At least one person still wants more. Your friend's husband probably is just innocently talking to this woman, but he really should end the conversations. It is hurting his wife whether she says it is or not. How would he like it if his wife was talking to a man she used to have relations with, and on top of that didn't tell him about it until he found out himself?
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Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid." Hebrews 13:5,6
Love is patient, love is kind, Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
- I Corinthians 13:4-8
I'm sorry, but you can't remain friends with someone you have slept with before. At least one person still wants more. Your friend's husband probably is just innocently talking to this woman, but he really should end the conversations. It is hurting his wife whether she says it is or not. How would he like it if his wife was talking to a man she used to have relations with, and on top of that didn't tell him about it until he found out himself?
I missed the "slept with before" part. That would be a definite no-no, I don't care how "innocent" the conversation. (And now it sounds less innocent to me.)
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"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
Bottom line, if the wife is uncomfortable with the communication between them, he should stop out of love and respect for his wife, if for no other reason.
I know two people whose husbands wound up leaving them after attending a high school reunion and reconnecting with an old girlfriend.
Ah yes the quest to reclaim spent (or mis-spent) youth, I am close to someone who fell into that trap. though not a church person it still nearly wrecked a 40 year marriage.
My advice to the guy is run away. Innocent or not isn't the question. Some doors, once closed need to stay that way. And when one has someone to whom they've commited theirr life to, that is an open door that they don't want to shut, even partially.
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Last edited by John Atkinson; 02-18-2010 at 06:40 AM.
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