Emotional Adultery

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Well, I have a few years on you - - 54 years old - - was married 24 years and had a husband that found interests somewhere outside his committment, so I could bore you with all the details or you could just understand that experience is the best teacher.

I think many are missing this very important part:

"In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today".

This isn't your normal - can't wait to see how your life's been since HS graduation, meet your husband and see your kid's pictures.

He's opened a door with that one sentence. How the ex-girlfriend replied will determine the next step.

Experience is the best teacher and that's why I asked you to share

And I read that part about the compliment quite clearly and thought it was a red flag also. Didn't change my opinion of how to handle the situation though.

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Oh, Sis. Falla said the "s" word!

Too cute - - You couldn't even spell it out.

I'll say it for you - - STUPID!!!!!

Thanks, Renda! LOL!!

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by n david

As a married man, the bolded quote above is what's wrong with his continued communications with his ex whom he slept with.

The wife shouldn't give an inch on this. Were I in her position and it was my wife writing junk like this, we'd be having a talk and if she was as stupid as this guy and said I was just over-reacting ... we'd be having some counseling sessions. And if it continued or went further, I'd be visiting a lawyer.

You'll get wiser about this kind of thing once you're married...

I said his wife should stand her ground until one of 2 things happen...

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Walks_in_islam

(laughing) happy hubbys don't play with fire. Ever.

Ever?

Really.

[Walks_in_islam]

Who said anything about fault? I said happy husbands do not play with fire. In saying so I implied that in cases where they do - the wrong is certainly in the cheating but the responsibility for the state of the marriage is shared. Clear?

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

So it's always the wife's fault, then, if a man cheats?

[Walks_in_islam]

Well certainly if you know of such a case where a perfectly happy husband broke his marriage promise please share it.

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Ever?

Really.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Walks_in_islam

Well certainly if you know of such a case where a perfectly happy husband broke his marriage promise please share it.

There are reasons that a man isn't happy with his marriage that has NOTHING to do with the wife.

Addictions would be one case.

[Jermyn Davidson]

This guy is behaving like a tool.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Walks_in_islam

Who said anything about fault? I said happy husbands do not play with fire. In saying so I implied that in cases where they do - the wrong is certainly in the cheating but the responsibility for the state of the marriage is shared. Clear?

The responsibility for the marriage is shared, I agree. However, there are times when one person may do evil without prompting by another party. As you know, humans can "be bad all by themselves." There are innocent parties. Case in point: A man who leaves his wife for another man. Did she share the blame for his sexual proclivities? I know a preacher who molested a child. Did his wife share the blame for his sexual deviance? How is that different from a man who doesn't want to settle down to one woman?

We all know that there are players, and some players get married--and then they continue to play. My sister's first husband abused her mentally and physically, and cheated on her multiple times. I don't feel that she shared any responsibility in that.

So while I can generically agree, in reality it's not that cut and dried.

Regardless, in a healthy marriage, we should protect each other. I have friends who could hug my husband and I wouldn't blink an eye. However, I've met other women whose intentions are anything but pure, and I can spot them a mile away. I usually share my suspicions with my husband, not in a jealous way, but rather in a, "She's that kind of woman, so watch out" kind of way.

I DO agree that if your marriage is on the rocks, you have a lot more to fear. The problem is that the woman may not be the one who put the marriage on the rocks, and she may not be able to be awesome enough to restore it. In a healthy relationship, a man shouldn't mind if his wife says, "Watch out for her--she's after you." In an unhealthy relationship, he may be enjoying the attention already, before his wife even notices, and by the time she sees that something is awry, he's invested and unwilling to cut off communication. (full circle )

[Walks_in_islam]

Noted is your lack of response to the request.

Are you implying that this person has some type of outside problem like addiction? That part was not shared with the rest of their personal business.

Originally Posted by rgcraig

There are reasons that a man isn't happy with his marriage that has NOTHING to do with the wife.

Addictions would be one case.