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11-23-2008, 05:24 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5
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Would Like Some Guidance
My friends first child died shortly after birth. Coming soon will be the child's first birthday. This is something new in my life so I don't want to make a mistake. I feel that I should acknowledge the birthday but, how? Just a card? Flowers? I had thought of a small memory box? If anyone has experienced this tragedy personally or if you, too, have faced this terrible loss with a friend, I would appreciate any guidance that you can give. Thank you and may God bless!
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11-23-2008, 06:50 AM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 13,829
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
I suggest a quiet remembrance. Something mailed to her, perhaps, that she can look at (or even cry over) in private when she receives it. It can be awkward to receive a very sentimental gift in person. But remembering her lost child's birthday is very sweet and appropriate. My sister lost a newborn son about 20 years ago, and she still visits his grave every year on his birthday.
Definitely keep any messages you add very simple as well. Just knowing that you've thought about her at all is enough.  If it were me, I'd probably just sign my name under "Thinking of you" and that's about it.
My 2 cents!
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
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11-23-2008, 08:17 AM
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Wouldn't Take Nothin' For My Journey Now!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,358
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissBrattified
I suggest a quiet remembrance. Something mailed to her, perhaps, that she can look at (or even cry over) in private when she receives it. It can be awkward to receive a very sentimental gift in person. But remembering her lost child's birthday is very sweet and appropriate. My sister lost a newborn son about 20 years ago, and she still visits his grave every year on his birthday.
Definitely keep any messages you add very simple as well. Just knowing that you've thought about her at all is enough. If it were me, I'd probably just sign my name under "Thinking of you" and that's about it.
My 2 cents! |
Great post!
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11-23-2008, 10:47 AM
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Forever Loved Admin
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 26,537
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
I agree with MB, a simple card will be so appreciated later. The upcoming date will bring back some emotions of that time, so a card from a friend will be precious that you remembered. I still get overwhelmed sometimes even though it has been years since we lost our daughter and son.
You are a great friend to think of doing something like this.
__________________
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8 KJV
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 KJV
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11-23-2008, 11:17 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Deep South
Posts: 1,094
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
I agree with these posts, beenthere.
For years after we lost our son, we would get "Just Thinking of You" cards around the anniversary of his death. People letting us know they had not forgotten us and what we went through.
It will mean more than I can tell you.......
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11-24-2008, 05:52 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Madisonville, KY
Posts: 317
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
What a thoughtful friend you are. My son, Matthew, died almost 30 years ago. He was 3 1/2 years old. It was comforting to us to know that our friends remembered that Matthew was here and left his mark.
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11-25-2008, 06:15 AM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 16,848
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissBrattified
I suggest a quiet remembrance. Something mailed to her, perhaps, that she can look at (or even cry over) in private when she receives it. It can be awkward to receive a very sentimental gift in person. But remembering her lost child's birthday is very sweet and appropriate. My sister lost a newborn son about 20 years ago, and she still visits his grave every year on his birthday.
Definitely keep any messages you add very simple as well. Just knowing that you've thought about her at all is enough. If it were me, I'd probably just sign my name under "Thinking of you" and that's about it.
My 2 cents! |
It is clear that MissBratfield is the Ann Landers and Dear Abbey of AFF. Excellent post.
__________________
"I think some people love spiritual bondage just the way some people love physical bondage. It makes them feel secure. In the end though it is not healthy for the one who is lost over it or the one who is lives under the oppression even if by their own choice"
Titus2woman on AFF
"We did not wear uniforms. The lady workers dressed in the current fashions of the day, ...silks...satins...jewels or whatever they happened to possess. They were very smartly turned out, so that they made an impressive appearance on the streets where a large part of our work was conducted in the early years.
"It was not until long after, when former Holiness preachers had become part of us, that strict plainness of dress began to be taught.
"Although Entire Sanctification was preached at the beginning of the Movement, it was from a Wesleyan viewpoint, and had in it very little of the later Holiness Movement characteristics. Nothing was ever said about apparel, for everyone was so taken up with the Lord that mode of dress seemingly never occurred to any of us."
Quote from Ethel Goss (widow of 1st UPC Gen Supt. Howard Goss) book "The Winds of God"
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11-25-2008, 11:02 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
I want to thank all of you who replied. I know my friend is hurting right now and I felt that I needed to let her know that I remembered and I care. Thank you so much for the guidance.
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11-25-2008, 02:13 PM
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Crazy father of 4
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Now? Phoenix, AZ. Before? Newark, OH, Wyandotte, MI, Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,926
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Re: Would Like Some Guidance
you know sometimes a simple hug and I love you and I am thinking about you in person is good too.
__________________
Life is .............
I'll get back to you when I figure it out.
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