Respect as Women

[ILG]

Every culture has it's views about women, the place of women, what women should and should not do etc.

One thing people from the outside of the church said when I was in the church, or seemed to indicate, at least, was that women were disrespected and made to wear clothes that the men were not, etc.

Whenever I hear something to that regard, my brain splits into two. I want to tell these dissenters, "But, you do not understand."

First of all, the dissenters that I know are not ex-UPC people. They are sometimes educated, sometimes uneducated, but plain people who know little to nothing about the religious culture I came out of. Because I was not raised in the UPC, nor was my husband, we came in and out of the culture 19 years later, rather seamlessly. So, when people who have never been in the UPC criticize the place and treatment of women, I find myself agreeing to a certain extent, but yet, I also find myself wanting to defend something about a culture they they simply do not understand. I sense their arrogance about their own stance, as if they are better than, or know something that simpletons such as the UPC and other conservative Christian groups do not. I find myself getting aggravated at their judgmentalism, their supposed superiority. People from the outside just don't get it. I find myself shaking my head, wondering how to verbally cross this wide chasm.

On the flip-side, I cannot defend certain things about the UPC treatment of women either, with the exception that most believe it is simply biblical and the UPC people are not trying to disrespect women, but simply trying to live what they believe the Bible to stand for.

I find myself with people that are living in a hook-up culture. A hook-up is a sexual encounter with no strings attached whatsoever. On college campuses, this is practically expected. It is a strange culture that strongly defends women's rights such as the right to not be beaten or verbally abused and to have a career or an abortion. And yet, she is expected to hop in the sack casually with no regard to her emotions.

See, women are respected in the UPC in a way they are not in the world. I can't speak for much beyond what I understand on college campuses as far as what is expected in the dating realm in the world at large. However, I remember from my pre-UPC days in college, it wasn't much better than the hook-up culture back then.

The people looking from the outside in, see women not being allowed to hold high office positions and are frowned upon often as pastors. They are seen as being secondary in marriage, and, depending on how their own husbands treat them in marriage, this can be a blessing or a tragedy. Often, from the outside, the women who were beaten and told to stay in marriage are touted as the way women are treated in conservative circles. This can be true and that is sad. They see how women are taught to cover themselves and be modest so that men are sometimes given a pass to their own responsibilities concerning their own behavior. This is also, sadly, sometimes true.

But they are forgetting that women are held up and respected sexually before marriage as having the right to say no and are even expected to. Women's emotions are respected in this way as being valuable. Women are not to be used and thrown away. Women's bodies are to be respected and are not supposed to be treated like a piece of meat to be used by men. Keeping it covered keeps up with that respect. Keeping pure before marriage teaches both men and women that the sex act brings forth children that are to be cherished and loved. Married women are respected to the extent that they are simply off-limits, period. It is not a game of who can be with who and keep it a secret.

Sadly though, I must say that somehow, things can get twisted. I am not quite sure how this happens. Somehow, the teachings about being modest can get turned around in the eyes of men in the church to think that women who are dressing immodestly want sex rather than that they are ignorant. That's sad because especially young women, often simply do not know.

There should be more talk about men not looking upon women to lust after them and less talk about how women dress. Women should dress modestly, to that I don't disagree. But each household should be allowed to decide what that means. The onus of responsibility for this should not be skewed upon the women.

There are some things I miss about being in the church. People can say how women are looked down upon and made secondary. But they haven't experienced the flip-side of the respect that women are given in the church the way it is not outside of it.

Motherhood is respected. Most women are not expected to hoof it with a full-time job and take care of the kids too. It is generally expected that the man will bring home the bacon so someone can keep the homes fires burning. This gives balance to the pressures of this rat-race world.

I don't want to forget these benefits. I don't want to forget the respect that women are given in the church. I also don't want to forget the abuse that sometimes occurs when people use certain scriptures like swords to abuse women.

I would be interested in hearing feedback on this subject from all.