Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhoni
This week a friend and I discussed the inability to commit to anything at this point in our lives. I have thought about it and for me it is a number of things but primarily a trust issue.
There was a time in my life that every decision I made, every action I took was about how it would benefit the kingdom. I suppose my inability to commit may be because the things I trusted in not only let me down, but my perception was that it/they wanted to destroy me.
My inability to trust is stemmed from this. FEAR: False Evidence Appearring Real. The hurt is so deep that it reappears just at the time I think it is gone/healed. Abandonment and rejection issues often sabotogue current relationships with Pastors, churches, friends, and family because of the TRUST issue.
But it is deeper yet than that: I don't trust God. If He is in charge of everything and everything is always falling apart then just what is He saying to me? Does He really love me? Will He truly never leave me? Does He really have my best interest at heart?
Opinions welcome 
Blessings,
Rhoni |
Hi Rhonda...your post brought me out of the lurking mode, girl. I don't have all the answers...you know me, I just talk like I do. But as you asked for opinions, here are mine.
I suppose it is not uncommon when faced with life's disappointments and issues to ask the questions you have asked, though deep down, we
do know the answers.
There is a book I am rereading from the 70s,
A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, by Phillip Keller. I am at the chapter where the author is expounding on
yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
This stanza of the psalm is usually used in reference to natural death...the Lord will be with the one departing and the family, even in what seems like the darkest hour.
But in reality, a valley of the shadow of death can mean the things you mentioned in your post, as well as things you didn't. Divorce, unhappy marital situations, kids in jail/trouble, loss of job, church splits and issues, family dysfunctions, financial concerns, inability to settle down in our minds, inability to love and be loved, broken promises...these things, and more can lead us,
and keep us in that valley which often seems like death.
Elder Keller describes a shepherd taking his flock to the lofty places of grazing and water. However, before they reach the mountain top, they first must be led through the valley.
We don't like the valley, and often dread it, but the author writes that it is in the valley...that place that Dottie Rambo sang about, "where the sun seldom shines..." It is in
this place where the shepherd knows the best grazing and water can be found.
It is also a place where the ewes and the lambs are alone with the shepherd. There are no other ranchers herding their flock through to greener pastures. It is just the shepherd and his flock.
He is ever watchful and protective because in the darkness of the valley the wolves, coyotes, and other predators take cover in the shadows, waiting for a moment of weakness. So his keen eye and listening ear is ever on guard, for his flock is his most prized possession.
Though the dangers are present and quite real, sheep are not hurried through these paths leading to the mountain range, but are slowly led, so that they might rest in the constant care of the shepherd.
Rhonda, your inability to trust God is not something I didn't already know. But you must realize that though you have felt, and continue to feel isolated, and wonder where God is in all of this, He has not moved. God is where He has always been. He has not changed. He has not taken Himself from the throne room of heaven, or from the throne of your heart.
The Good Shepherd has been leading you to the mountain top for a long time, but the cares of life and the opinions you have set have prevented your progress.
Always remember that it is the devil's job to make sure that when you resign yourself to think and feel better...that when you say with your mouth, and believe with your heart, "All is forgiven, " he make's it his business to bring something to you that will set you back once again.
But because the devil is good at what he does, it does
not mean God is not aware or is unwilling to aid. But there are things
we can, and must do to put the breaks on the evil one, as well.
Didn't mean to say all of this, but I don't post much so I'm making up for it here...
But as the Good Shepherd, you
know God most certainly does have your best interest at heart, and desires to heal all of the broken places.
The ewe being led by the shepherd MUST trust he will take them to higher ground. Without trust in one greater, they will surely perish.
God only wants what is best for you, and so do I...
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