UPCI pastor resigns amid teen sex charges

[scotty]

Originally Posted by ILG

It's more the attitude of saying "SHE WANTED TO HAVE SEX!!" You can look at it and say things like "Well, you know she wanted it or she wouldn't have met him".....but, I think you're making a big mistake. What she wanted was love and attention and a man took advantage of that. She was duped. She was 16. I think I have a lot more compassion for her situation than you do. If that is not true, you aren't doing a real good job of expressing that. It seems like you are blaming her.

My daughter was involved with the youth leader. He was 22 she was 15. Like many here in this situation I believed this was all his fault. He seduced, manipulated and took advantage of my baby girl. Much of that was true. She had to go to counseling for a couple of weeks, a youth hospital she stayed at. While she was gone I began digging through her laptop to find something, anything from him I could take to the police to hang him with. I found plenty, the problem was, to turn over what I had found would have meant revealing not only how much my daughter played into the incident but it would have implicated many other teenage girls in the church for the same thing. This man actually backed away from meeting because he didnt see anyway it could happen. My innocent daughter not only agreed and wanted the meeting but she planned and implemented it. I found where other girls had already been with him. I confronted one of these girls parents whom I had come to be really good friends with outside the church. I was told immediatly that it could only be gossip, their daughter would not be involved in such things. So I dropped the whole thing. He never saw a day of jail time or the inside of a court room, he is on the sex offenders list but was never charged. He is no longer youth leader but a respected person in the church. The church has moved on as have I, I have forgiven.

Here is the part that most of you dont see or is not brought up in the news. The living room. I had to ask my daughter the same question that this girls parents will have to ask. Why ? Why do you want this kind of relationship ? Why do you believe that its ok ? What made you believe that anything but bad could have come from this ? The answers parents like me get from them is the true problem we have that everyone wants to ignore. "Because I have a life too" , "Everyone is doing it", "Its just sex", etc etc etc. Along with that you find out that the age and position of the person is irrelevant. 16 or 30, kid in school or leadership or just the guy who happens to work with mom. Its not always a longing for love and attention, its what they want to do because its their life.

You see , while the man may have been manipulative, in this case as others like it, there has to be a point in time when the girl says to herself "this is ok". The problem is, more and more, younger and younger girls are believing, "this is ok". Even in the church, its ok. We have to address this instead of looking the other way. This man was wrong, but someone has to ask the questions, "why did you text back","why did you sneak out to go have sex with him". If the parents could give us the answers that this girl gives them, I think many here would be suprised and just as sick.

Are there cases where the girl has no options ? Yes, its called rape. But we have to ask ourselves the question and be honest with our answers. Why are these girls saying yes? Why are they wanting it? and most of all, Why do they believe that its ok?

If we could answer those questions with real solutions, then men like this would be out of luck. If we dont want people to get high, get rid of the dope. Dont want drunks, address the alcohol. Once we get the backbone to figure out how to address our childrens outlook on sex, then we take away the venue these sick men play upon. But you cant address a problem until you can admit there is one.

Yes , this is a sick man and should be held responsible for his actions. But we have to address the other side instead of just saying poor pitiful her, pat her on the back and say a prayer.