i've read aff for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both christians, upc backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
Red flag!!!!
__________________
Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.(based on Prov. 23:7)
What comes out of a man/woman's MOUTH, confirms what he/she is thinking.
For of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaketh. Luke 6:45
It is not difficult to know what this man was thinking, (what was in his mind)
"my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today.
Dead give a way what was in his heart/mind, because it came out his mouth!
If this man thinks his wife was over reacting, he is either naive, ignorant or
just plain "ST---D"!!
I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
Very in appropriate, period.
__________________ For it is written, "As I live, says the Lord every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God. (Romans 14:11- NASB)
The majority of the responses I have seen say he should just do whatever makes his wife happy and I'm sure this is true to some degree.
But if he is honestly telling her not to worry and nothing is going on then isn't the flip side that she should do what makes him happy and not worry about him and his ex?
In other words I think the whole argument that he is wrong unless he does what makes her happy in this situation doesn't follow. There isn't anything inherently wrong in sending an email to an ex that you are about to have a class reunion with. So to call what he is doing abuse is just absurd. There is nothing wrong with her worry either though.
Now, it is true that him wanting to stop contact voluntarily would be the best solution. But you can't make someone do something voluntarily and the more he is coerced into doing this the more negative effects will follow.
Ultimately I think she should stand her ground and remind him that it bothers her and that she would like him to stop having contact with his ex. Either he will be pushed to give up contact with the ex or he will finally convince her that there is nothing to worry about. Both of these solutions have negatives though but basically I don't think their relationship will work if she remains in worry about him talking to his ex.
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