Don't Ask....Don't Tell. Good Policy?

[Jeffrey]

Originally Posted by notofworks

Wow. Thanks for sharing your heart.

I felt silly asking about the shower, but that seems to be the main objection early on in this thread. I think there are those that view gays as animals who jump everything that passes by and I think that stereotype is ridiculous. I'm sure you're familiar with the, "Be careful around him, he's gay" attitude.

For example, a friend of ours who occasionally comes to visit, is gay. He's been a friend for decades. But when certain people found out he was staying in our home, the phone rang with warnings for us to be careful about letting our boys around him. I was shocked by it all...I'm a bit naive, I suppose.

I don't say that to drudge up bad memories, but to call attention to the preconceived ideals many have about certain groups of people.

When you said, "You are very good at knowing who is family and who is not", do you mean your....slang term...."Gaydar"? I've been told by gay people they can "spot their own". I've been assured over and over not to worry about being "hit on", so I think a lot of guys that worry about another man jumping them are victims of a stereotype that has been passed around.

I have never talked to a gay person who says they would choose what they are. I'm sure there are those who would, but I haven't met them yet. The bias can be ugly. Who would want that?

You don't need to convince me that you were born that way. I agree with you. And yes, there are many that have suffered sexual abuse as a child which can lead to a mental illness, but certainly, to issue a blanket statement that all gays are mentally ill would not be an accurate statement, true?

Let me ask you this....you say it's not possible to change. What about those who would suggest that it is possible to overcome while not totally changing? I'm speaking of those who would suggest that, just as a heterosexual married man may have temptations to sleep with another woman, he does not, and instead, continues to be with his wife. Do you feel that has any legitimacy?

I still think the "shower issues" and others like that are perfectly reasonable arguments.